Could I BE any more stupid?

About a week ago, I was getting ready to go out with friends on Friday night, when I managed to lock myself out of the house. Great. Lovely. Had to go across the street and borrow the neighbor's phone (AND phonebook) to call a locksmith because Babydaddy's phone was going straight to voicemail (he's got a spare key for me...somewhere). About an hour later, the locksmith finally shows up, opens up my house in about 5 minutes, and hands me a bill for $130. Greeeeeat.

So, this last Friday (yes, exactly one week after the first lockout incident), I decided to go out front to await the Bee Man and escape the kamikaze bees in my house. And what did I do? What, oh what, did I do?

LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE.

AGAIN.

Of course Babydaddy was on his way to LA with his brother. Literally, on the Grapevine, and could not help. And I was due to pick up the Rugrat at daycare in a half hour. And there I was, locked out again, this time in my slippers, in the pouring rain. So Babydaddy called his mom, who graciously picked up Rugrat and dropped him off here, where I was still waiting for the locksmith. Bee Guy showed up shortly after I get locked out, and sprayed his lovely bee-killing powder in my house, but since I don't have my purse with me, he says he'll bill me for the service (and I truly love that guy, he was SO sweet). An hour and a half after I call the locksmith (who said he'd be here in 45 minutes), he finally shows up, opens my door, and charges me $60. At least I found a cheaper locksmith this time. *sigh*

I swear to God, those Manolos I bought at Christmastime have truly vaporized at least half of my brain cells. Twice?? In one week?? How much of a loser could I BE?

Anyhoo, once I finally got in the house again, Rugrat & I grabbed our stuff and hauled ass outta there, headed for drive-through food and then my dad's house. I had many, many glasses of scotch that night (celebrating both my stupidity and Dad's decision to retire), and woke up painfully hungover.

Needless to say, I did get a spare key and hide it this weekend, FINALLY. Only takes $200 to smarten me up, I guess. Maybe I should sell those Manolos on eBay after all.

Holy Fucking Crap!!!!

What did I do to deserve this kind of karma?

I have a swarm of bees flying in through my kitchen stove vent. They are coming out through the recessed kitchen lights.

WHAT THE FUCK????????

I called pest control - they won't do it. It's not covered in their liability insurance, apparently. So I had to call a beekeeper. They'll do it, but it will cost me $240 dollars, and they won't be out until late this afternoon/early evening. Greeeeeaaaat.

In the meantime, I haven't had anything to eat for lunch because I'm too chicken to go in the kitchen while they're all diving out of the lights. You can HEAR them buzzing aorund in the ceiling. It is freaky as hell. So I'm holed up in my office, trying to stay away from them.

Wasps

The rain has cleared up - for a few days anyway; we're supposed to get more this weekend unfortunately - and now, just when I'm enjoying my backyard in all its wildly overgrown, sunny splendor, I've discovered that we've got a wasp problem.

Not a fat, lazy, buzzing bumblebee problem. A wasp problem. As in: silent, evil, elongated flying things that seem to be strangely attracted to the old wooden adirondack chairs in my backyard, the chairs I love to sit on while I'm smoking. Scary things that can sting you over & over & over again, without pulling their insides out through their butt (unlike bumblebees, which will think twice about stinging you because it is a kamikaze mission for them).

Thankfully, they haven't stung me yet. In fact, I've never been stung by a bee of any kind. But it's really making me nervous to sit out back for my periodic cigarette break.

The Tax Man

That time of year again...taxes. I hate doing taxes. And I hate waiting for Babydaddy to do HIS taxes, so that we can figure out if it's more advantageous for me to take the Head of Household status or him (depending on who has the larger difference in refund amount). It's always me, so I always end up as HoH. But every year I have to wait for him to do his taxes so that we can figure it out, and every year he waits until the last minute. My taxes have been done for a few weeks (thank you, TurboTax!) but I have been waiting to file until I hear from him. It would be so nice, just once, to file really early and get that refund in February or March, but nooooo...gotta wait until the very last freaking second, even though we both get refunds, because Babydaddy is a procrastinator extraordinaire. I mean, I hate sitting down with the forms and the receipts and all that and doing it, because it's a boring couple of hours entering in numbers and going through all the ridiculous questions that never pertain to me (farm equipment?), but still...that $5K would be much better off earning interest for an extra month or two.

Arrrgghhh!

I cannot take it. The rain is driving me batshit crazy. And on top of that, we went on daylight savings time this last weekend, and I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm coming down with a cold or the flu or something. I mean, seriously, why are we still doing this? It's barbaric! It's simply ridiculous and totally unnecessary. And it causes accidents because people are tired.

But mostly I'm just sick of the rain. We've already exceeded our average rainfall for April. Less than a week into the month and we're OVER our average amount. That is just wrong, folks. Looks like there won't be any relief from it for the next few weeks either. I am so ready for summer - even spring! I'd welcome spring right now. Even though I'll be sick as a dog with allergies this year - at least it means SUNSHINE!!!!

Oh, and I am sore from yoga last night. Yikes! Learned the "salutation to the moon" though, and that's a good short routine that I can do a couple times a day to de-stress.