(While laying in bed last night...)
Me: You farted on me!
Him: I did not. My ass was not pointing at you.
Me: It most certainly was. We're laying back to back, your ass was TOTALLY pointing at me.
Him: No it wasn't. It's tilted. The fart came out on a trajectory, it totally missed you.
Me: It did not miss me!
Him: It did! It's like fireworks, they go up and arc down.
Me: Your farts are not like fireworks.
Him: Well, if it was a laserbeam, it would've shot right over your hip, it was not pointing at you.
Me: Dude. Your farts are NOT laserbeams.
Him: That is the meanest thing you could possibly say to me right now.