I try to put the best spin on things, especially for this blog, but sometimes I just get down, yanno?
Monday I went to the doctor to have my stitches removed. They pulled out the ones near my ear (and it was heavenly not to have that maddening itch there anymore!) and removed the "bolster" (stinky gross wad of gauze that had been stitched onto my nose to protect the graft) and stitches from my graft. My ear looks great; there's a tiny little red line between my face and my ear but it is no big deal. But my nose...my nose is disgusting. I mean, absolutely foul, y'all. The doctor was thrilled with it though - she said it's "beautiful!" and was amazed at how fast I heal (um, that's because I'm about 35 years younger than her average patient). But...it is gross. Bloody and oozy and lumpy and all different colors, from white to yellow to red to lavender...it's like roadkill on my face.
I know that it's healing and will look better and better as the days go by, but right now I feel like a freak. Add to that the fact that I'm about 5 pounds shy of the weight I was when I went in to give birth to Rugrat (NINE years ago), and you can see that maybe I'm not feeling all that sexy and beautiful these days. Mr Wonderful works in a hospital, and each day he looks at my nose and tells me it's looking great, but do I feel like I look great? No. No, I do not. Because I am not a medical professional and I don't see past the mess to what it will look like, eventually. I just see what's there now, and I've seen chopped liver that looked more appetizing, frankly. So for the first time I pushed Mr Wonderful away last night and told him that I am just not feeling it, sorry. Because I am big fat slob with a nose like uncooked hamburger and how could anyone possibly want to get close to that? I don't even want to be close to that.
I know I will have to get over this and get on with living but right now I think I'm entitled to a little pity party.