Life, rescheduled

Yesterday morning I met with Boss and was laid off from the job I've been at for the past five years. Of course he said he was all broken up about it and felt terrible, blah blah blah. But I'm pretty bent that he's keeping our SysAd on staff. SysAd left the company to work for someone else and was doing "on call" occasional work for my company for about a year. Then a month or so ago he got laid off from that job and he's been essentially working full time at our company again. So I feel like I got dumped so that my boss could keep paying the SysAd -- you know, the one who hasn't been working loyally for the company for FIVE YEARS straight. Am I pissed off? Hell yes.

And of course, looking back over the course of the past week I can see how they were trying to finish up outstanding issues in which my expertise was required. And it really pisses me off that I got ONE day of notice before the end of the month, which is effectively the end of my health insurance. Meaning, if I want uninterrupted health insurance, I have to do COBRA for at least a month. I cannot be without health insurance; I have too many issues, between the high blood pressure and the cholesterol and the skin cancer and everything. I also can't get individual health insurance; I've been denied coverage before, and that was even before I got diagnosed with the skin cancer.

And this brings us to the rescheduling portion of our program. Because Mr Wonderful works at a hospital, he has excellent health benefits, and I will be covered by those same excellent health benefits as soon as we're married. So we're moving up the wedding; we're getting married this week, at the county courthouse. This is not the way I pictured my wedding. This is pretty much the OPPOSITE of what I wanted - although we'll be keeping it very small, I wanted something that was more personal and meaningful. And now we are having this rushed wedding, done as cheaply as possible, with possibly NO family there (my father might be able to make it, but that's it). This is not what I wanted, and it's definitely not what Mr Wonderful wanted. I am pretty depressed about it, actually. I've got this beautiful dress that hasn't arrived yet, but is totally paid for, and I won't get to wear it to my wedding. We were going to get married at a beautiful winery, with amazing food and flowers and our family surrounding us. And we may still have some kind of ceremony and reception later, after I get a new job and we can afford it, but it's not going to be on the day we get married. And that just makes me want to curl up and cry.