Best birthday present ever!

Last Wednesday, on my 35th birthday, Mr Wonderful proposed!

I had a feeling it was going to happen on my birthday, to be totally honest. I was about 90% sure that he had the ring already. The kids were making oblique references to my birthday, when normally they wouldn't even notice it was coming up (although to give them props, they really didn't breathe a WORD about the proposal). And Mr Wonderful had hinted that he wanted me all to himself on my birthday - he even took the day off of work! - so I switched nights with Babydaddy. It's not like this proposal was coming as a complete surprise anyway; we decided before he moved in last October that we were planning on getting married, and we wanted to get engaged this year.

So on my birthday, I woke up thinking: "This is the day!" Mr. Wonderful took Rugrat to school for me, which meant I could sleep in a bit. All morning I was trying to work and not be too distracted. I had lunch planned with my coworkers in WC, which meant I'd be gone for about 3 hours or so.

When I got home, Mr. Wonderful was relaxing on the couch, watching TV. There was a lovely white bouquet on the table that wasn't there when I left for lunch, so I said, "What's this?" and pulled out the envelope that was stuck in the bouquet. He said, "Oh, are we doing this now?" I kind of smiled and said, "Should we wait?" He replied, 'No, now's fine..." and he paused the TV and came over by me and put his hand in his pocket. I thought, "Oh my God, this is it!" So I opened the envelope, and inside was a little note. I sort of blanked for a second. It was just two words: "Double woobie." Now, Mr. Wonderful and I each have a down pillow that we sleep with, all curled up around it as if it was a stuffed animal. We call these our "woobies" because they're not used as pillows really - they're more like security blankets. Anyway...it was a clue! So I went upstairs to the bedroom, with Mr. Wonderful trailing me the whole way.

In the bedroom was a clue that led me to the fireplace...then another clue that led to the clothes dryer, then finally a clue that led to the oven.

Inside the oven was a letter rolled up and tied like a scroll, and big wrapped present behind it. He grabbed the scroll and said, "Open the present first, then you can read this." So I pulled out the box and thought, "Damn, that's WAY too heavy to be a ring!" Turns out it was an All Clad saucepan that I'd been drooling over for a while! I was both thrilled and disappointed - thrilled at the saucepan, because I really, really wanted it, and disappointed that he wasn't going to propose. But then he told me to read the letter, which was folded up at the very bottom, so you could read most of it but there was some that was hidden. And when I started reading, I knew that the proposal WAS going to happen, RIGHT THEN!

And so, of course, the phone rang.

First my cell phone, and then the house phone. Mr. Wonderful said, "Don't..." but I'd already decided to ignore the phone; this was way more important at the moment! Turns out it was my boss, who was in a meeting with a client and had come across an error on the website we're developing for them. *sigh*

Anyway, so I stood there, kind of shaking a little and trying to read the scroll , which was a beautiful letter about how as we grow older, our birthdays become more mundane, and the presents more practical, and we lose that sense of magical anticipation. But, it said, he wanted to start a new tradition, so every year on my birthday, he would ask me one question:

(and then I unfolded the bottom of the letter, which showed what was hidden...)

"Will you marry me?"

And I started crying a little bit, and then HE started getting all misty-eyed, and I said, "Yes! Yes!" and he asked me if I wanted to see the ring, so I said, "YEAH I want to see it!" and started laughing a little. And then he said the words I'd been waiting to hear: "Will you marry me?" and of course I said "Yes" again.

And the ring? The ring is beautiful and perfect and I couldn't be happier with it. It's a radiant-cut (rectangular but sparkly, not like an emerald-cut) diamond in a very delicate beautiful white-gold setting, with a filigree underneath the semi-cathedral setting and milgrain detail on the band. And of course pictures do not ever do it justice, but if you click on this one, you'll see the other two photos I've taken of it. :)

Is it kind of redundant to say that I'm blissfully happy and thrilled to be marrying this wonderful, amazing man? I cannot believe how lucky I am, to have found him again after so long, and to find out that this incredible man, who's been in my life since high school, has turned out to be the love of my life.

Moping

I try to put the best spin on things, especially for this blog, but sometimes I just get down, yanno?

Monday I went to the doctor to have my stitches removed. They pulled out the ones near my ear (and it was heavenly not to have that maddening itch there anymore!) and removed the "bolster" (stinky gross wad of gauze that had been stitched onto my nose to protect the graft) and stitches from my graft. My ear looks great; there's a tiny little red line between my face and my ear but it is no big deal. But my nose...my nose is disgusting. I mean, absolutely foul, y'all. The doctor was thrilled with it though - she said it's "beautiful!" and was amazed at how fast I heal (um, that's because I'm about 35 years younger than her average patient). But...it is gross. Bloody and oozy and lumpy and all different colors, from white to yellow to red to lavender...it's like roadkill on my face.

I know that it's healing and will look better and better as the days go by, but right now I feel like a freak. Add to that the fact that I'm about 5 pounds shy of the weight I was when I went in to give birth to Rugrat (NINE years ago), and you can see that maybe I'm not feeling all that sexy and beautiful these days. Mr Wonderful works in a hospital, and each day he looks at my nose and tells me it's looking great, but do I feel like I look great? No. No, I do not. Because I am not a medical professional and I don't see past the mess to what it will look like, eventually. I just see what's there now, and I've seen chopped liver that looked more appetizing, frankly. So for the first time I pushed Mr Wonderful away last night and told him that I am just not feeling it, sorry. Because I am big fat slob with a nose like uncooked hamburger and how could anyone possibly want to get close to that? I don't even want to be close to that.

I know I will have to get over this and get on with living but right now I think I'm entitled to a little pity party.

Busy month

Stupid hectic month. I just got an email from a friend wondering if I'd up & died because she hadn't heard from me in a while and I realized that this month has been a complete ball of crazy:

• Mr Wonderful's uncle died and we had to go to Red Bluff for the funeral a few weeks ago; one hour before the actual funeral we found out that his COUSIN just died and Mr Wonderful's mom and sister totally lost their shit - two deaths within a week.
  
  
• I went in for my consult with the surgeon last week; surgery for my skin cancer is scheduled for 2 weeks from now (May 12) and I am going to have a scar but hopefully it will look much better than it does now.
  
  
• Mr Wonderful went on his trip to Pahrump with friends for some gun class for five days and I was stuck here alone with the kids all weekend, which sucked. We painted 3/4 of Tomboy's bedroom that weekend (three walls LIME GREEN - ugh, but she loves it). I got a cold and was not only grumpy but sick as well.
  
  
• I found out my sister's pregnant again. Also, we're going camping up in Humboldt Redwoods State Park at the end of June: Mr Wonderful & I & the kids, plus my sister & her family, plus my cousin & HER son, plus Mr Wonderful's sister & HER family. 7 adults, 8 kids. Gonna be fun!
  
  
• My mom called when she found out about my sister being knocked up and tried to get me to tell her I'm getting married, and I told her she'd be the first to know, he hasn't asked me yet, GOD, Mom! Chillax! Once the ring is paid off, he'll propose, and THEN I will tell you I'm getting married. We all know I'm marrying this guy, it's not going to be a huge surprise or anything. But I'm not making any plans, setting any dates, or officially saying "I'm engaged" until I he actually pops the question, mmkay? Smooches!
  
  
• I had a couple of stupid PMS breakdowns and took off for a while by myself this past weekend. I was going to stay overnight somewhere but instead just ended up driving for 9 hours and making a big loop through the north bay area and then came home. I just needed to get my head back on straight because I felt like I was getting a little nutso, and a road trip was just the ticket. I ended up finding mecca: the Cowgirl Creamery in Pt Reyes, where they actually MAKE the cheese! It was awesome, and totally coincidental. I parked less than half a block from the place; I was just looking to get out of the car, stretch, maybe get some coffee or something & take a piss, and lo & behold -- the home of the best cheese ever!
  

I'm ready for May to be a nice calm relaxing month. Can we do that? Please?

Delusions of grandeur

(While laying in bed last night...)

Me: You farted on me!

Him: I did not. My ass was not pointing at you.

Me: It most certainly was. We're laying back to back, your ass was TOTALLY pointing at me.

Him: No it wasn't. It's tilted. The fart came out on a trajectory, it totally missed you.

Me: It did not miss me!

Him: It did! It's like fireworks, they go up and arc down.

Me: Your farts are not like fireworks.

Him: Well, if it was a laserbeam, it would've shot right over your hip, it was not pointing at you.

Me: Dude. Your farts are NOT laserbeams.

Him: That is the meanest thing you could possibly say to me right now.

Anniversary

Saturday night, Mr Wonderful and I celebrated our one-year anniversary. One year ago, on March 1, he kissed me for the first time. It's been an amazing year - a year of upheaval and major changes, but also the best year of my life. And every night, when I fall asleep next to him, I realize how very, very lucky I am to have had this second chance. Nineteen years ago, when we first met, the timing was all wrong. And I'm so glad that we didn't date back then; I was screwed up, he was screwed up, and we were both way too young to find our "forever" love.

Even ten years ago, the last time we saw each other before spending a decade apart, it was the wrong time.

But a year ago, it was finally the right time. And I'm so glad that everything fell into place. Life isn't always easy, but having Mr Wonderful by my side makes it easier. I'm so blessed to have someone to share the problems of life with, as well as the joys. And I feel so lucky that I've found him now, when I am old enough and experienced enough to realize how lucky I am.

Monterey Aquarium

I still don't have time to do the recap, but I wanted to post the pics from our trip the Monterey Aquarium about a week ago. Enjoy!


Sleeping otter



Sunfish (with random people)



Jellyfish closeup



Hammerhead shark

Superbowl

Yesterday, Mr Wonderful and I got home from our Monterey trip just in time to watch the halftime show of the Superbowl. I've never seen a Superbowl before. Ever. I was never involved with anyone who was a football fan, because as I think I've mentioned about a hundred and fifty million times, Mr Wonderful is "not my type."

So I was pleasantly surprised to find that as I sat there knitting my Dashings in yummy yummy Malabrigo, I was actually interested in what was happening on the TV. In fact, towards the end there, I was hollering at the players like any good red-blooded American football fan. Not that I actually cared who won or lost, but that was a darn good game, and it really all came down to the last five minutes or so on the clock (which you already know if you watched the game). Very tense, y'all.

I'll have to post more about the Monterey trip later in the week, but until then, here's a shot of the jellyfish at the aquarium to tide you over. Get it? Tide? Oh, I crack myself up sometimes....

Miscellaneous tidbits

This weekend, the company I work for is having its long-overdue "holiday party". We're all heading down to Monterey for the weekend, with a Saturday night stay at a B&B in Pacific Grove, and a kayaking trip if the weather cooperates, which...it doesn't look like it's going to do. Mr Wonderful and I are extending the trip a little bit; his day off this week falls on Friday (unusual, but very welcome!) so I took the day off as well and we'll be going down there a day early, staying Friday night at the same B&B. Nice, huh? I'm looking forward to spending a lovely long weekend eating great seafood, going to the aquarium, and snuggling with my man. It certainly sounds like more fun than sitting at home watching the Superbowl. Heh.

The other day Tomboy asked me how much I liked her daddy, on a scale from one to ten. I told her "Eleven." Her eyes bugged out a little, and she asked me if Mr Wonderful and I were going to get married. What could I say? Mr Wonderful hasn't really talked to her about it yet, but she's a smart girl; she sees where things are going. I told her that we would probably get married "someday." Her reaction was predictable: "Ewww, then HE [Rugrat] will be my brother?" And of course there was the inevitable question about babies, which I told her wasn't in the cards. She actually seemed disappointed about that, but...no. Not happening.

Mr Wonderful is planning a trip in April...on a weekend that we have the kids. He has this "once in a lifetime opportunity" to go to a free, very intensive GUN TRAINING class in Nevada. Yes. Gun training. How did I end up with a guy who thinks that spending a weekend in Pahrump running around shooting paper targets with SWAT team members is fun? Totally opposite of my "type," and yet...apparently this is my type. Anyhoo, this means that I will have the kids, all by myself, all weekend. Can I just say that I am really, really not looking forward to this? Tomboy is warming up to me, finally, but I have a feeling that this is going to be a watershed moment for us. I remember very clearly how awful I was to my stepmother when my dad took his first business trip away after she moved in. I was a raging bitch, honestly. And I am not looking forward to this karmic payback, nope, not at all.

I finished my So Called Scarf! First FO of the new year. Now I'm back on track with the Spider-man Sweater; I've picked up the stitches again at the (newly expanded) second armhole and am really motivated to get the damn thing done, finally. Once it's done, I can move on to new, fun projects, like my shrug, and my first pair of socks, and Tomboy's shrug that I'm planning to make with some gorgeous hand-dyed cotton, and my stripey top-down raglan v-neck sweater, and so on...

Sniffle

The last week has been punctuated with sneezes, coughs, sniffles and the like. Yes, I've caught a cold.

Did that stop us from celebrating Rugrat's birthday in style? No, it did not. Mr Wonderful and I packed up the kids last Saturday morning and hauled them into the city for the day, since the kids will be at their other parents' houses on Rugrat's actual birthday (tomorrow). We spent over five hours experimenting at the Exploratorium (which Rugrat insisted on calling the "Learn-atorium"), only leaving when they finally closed and kicked us out. Rugrat was especially fascinated by the biology-related exhibits, spending quite a lot of time looking at cells and learning about DNA. Which means that my bright idea for his birthday present was spot-on: I'm getting him a microscope. (Unfortunately it's back ordered until April, but when it finally comes in I'm sure he'll enjoy the hell out of it.) Afterwards, we headed to Fisherman's Wharf and had dinner in the "treetop" at the Rainforest Cafe. Overpriced food, but the atmosphere is fun and the kids loved it.

I really wanted to take the kids to Ghirardelli Square afterwards, to visit the flagship Ghirardelli store and have sundaes for dessert. So we walked all the way down there, only to find that the store is CLOSED for remodeling until spring. *sigh* Such a disappointment. But overall it was a fun day and Rugrat and Tomboy had a blast, so: mission accomplished.

I've been slacking on my knitting recently. I've been working on my So-Called Scarf sporadically (usually while watching TV in the evenings) but I've been procrastinating heavily about Rugrat's Spider-man sweater. I had to rip a sleeve back all the way and undo a little of the side seam because the armholes were slightly different sizes and it was making the arm much, much smaller in diameter. It was a difference of maybe three or four stitches in height at the armhole, but it made a HUGE difference to the size of the sleeve. So, lesson learned. In the future I will be very, very precise about seams. Goddammit. Anyway, because of this disheartening development, I haven't even started the sleeve again. It's just so depressing to get halfway through the sleeve and decide you have to rip it back. Maybe I'll pick it up again this weekend. I better finish it soon, or Rugrat won't be able to wear it this winter...which means he'll never wear it because next year it will be too small. *sigh*

On the plus side, Mr Wonderful is still wonderful, we are still totally in love and I couldn't be happier. I know I say this all the time, but I just feel so blessed to have him in my life. And he still makes me laugh every day. Even when I'm crazy with stupid PMS hormones or sick with a cold.

Vacillating

I was absolutely positive that I didn't want any more children after I had Rugrat. Rugrat is more than enough for me to handle, thankyouverymuch. And I have an almost-stepdaughter now, who is a wonderful new part of my family. But when Mr Wonderful offered to have a vasectomy, I told him to wait. Why? I don't know. Because I'm still in my early thirties (OK, mid-thirties) and there is plenty of time for me to change my mind. But I was still sure that I didn't really want to have one...I just wanted to have the option available. Does that make sense?

And then the other day, at Mr Wonderful's parents' house, he was joking with me, trying to cheer me up about some little thing that I was in a funk about (probably work calling me and needing something while I was ON VACATION). And he lay down next to me and talked into my belly. And I felt something like a cramp of desire to be pregnant. Because when I was pregnant last time I didn't have that, that supportive loving dad who was all excited about the baby. It almost made me cry, when he did that, and to be honest I'm crying on my couch right now, just thinking about it. Of course that's mostly because I am hormonal and on my period, but...still. It was hard, not to just tell him right then and there that I wanted this more than anything else in the world. But I had to wait, I had to really think about it, and I know that really, I don't want another child. I don't. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, and we're halfway to having the kids out of the house at this point. Getting pregnant again would mean starting all over. And with the sleep deprivation and the dirty diapers and the miserable pregnancy shit...no. I don't really want it.

But it's all I can think about right now. So let's just fucking get past this stupid hormone surge, shall we? I don't want any more kids. I told Mr Wonderful that he can't do that belly-talking thing any more, because it makes me wish I was pregnant. And part of me was really, really sad at having to tell him that. And part of me wants to tell him that we should just throw out the birth control pills when we get married. But another part of me, the larger, saner part, knows that I will get past this weird baby fever and that I really, really DON'T want another baby. Even though he said he would totally talk into my belly if I were pregnant, and put headphones on my belly to play cool music for the baby, and all that supportive daddy-to-be stuff. Oh god, I don't really want another baby. I don't.

Meet the Fockers

Well, it's done. We've made the rounds now, and officially received blessings from the parental units.

Mr Wonderful's mom & stepdad are super-nice and loads of fun. We spent a couple of days there, swimming (yes! In November!) and playing dominoes and shopping and eating...and of course drinking lots of margaritas. Yum! Then we headed down to San Diego to see my mom & stepdad, and spent a couple of days hanging out with them. Mr Wonderful and I did manage to get to the beach (I took him to Coronado and La Jolla) and also out to visit my aunt & uncle, who I haven't seen in several years. We saw my stepsister & her family, too, including my two twin nephews, who I'd never seen. They were absolutely adorable, toddling around and screeching and bumping into each other. That girl must have loads energy to keep up with them all the time, though - they were exhausting!

I got lots of knitting done on the trip; I'm about two-thirds of the way through with the back of Rugrat's sweater and will be working on it every night in order to get it finished in time for Christmas. And now I need to plan for Thanksgiving; nobody's coming (party jinx in full effect, of course) but we'll have the kids that day and I am making a full T'giving dinner. Last but not least, it's time for Christmas shopping and cards. It's going to be busy for the next six weeks, so if I don't post very often, you'll know why.

Vacation, all I ever wanted

I am so ready for a vacation. On Wednesday Mr Wonderful and I are driving down to SoCal to meet the moms. It's not a real long vacation but it will be relaxing (I hope). Some swimming, some eating & drinking, some bonding with the parental units....we're overdue for this, I think, and it's certainly something we need to get done before we make things official. It looks like this will be my month to meet most of his family, because he's talking about us taking the kids up to his sister's house in a little less than two weeks.

Mr Wonderful's birthday is coming up soon too, right after Thanksgiving, in fact. So I'm looking forward to making all his birthday wishes come true...starting with Tiramisu for his b'day dessert. I'll have to food blog that one for sure.

Knitwit

I'm so excited. I bought two new knitting books online, ones I've been looking at for several months, and they came yesterday. So very, very soon I will be starting my first sweater from the Fitted Knits book.

But first I need to finish Rugrat's Spiderman sweater....which is actually coming along quite well now. I'm up to the point where I think I can add in the spider, so it will at least be interesting for 30 rows or so, while I'm doing the two-color knitting. Then back to plain boring blue stockinette. I'm hoping to get it done by Christmas, so I really need to just bang it out.

I am also in the midst of making a pair of felted wool slippers. The original idea was that I would find a felted slipper pattern in order to try making a pair of socks in an overlarge size and big needles, so they'll knit up quickly, and since they're felted they won't show any mistakes. But it turns out that the pattern I selected is not really a standard sock pattern; there's no short rows and turning the heel and stuff, so the original reason for doing this is kind of lost. But it will still be nice to have a new set of slippers. :)

In other news, Mr Wonderful has moved in. He's been spending every night here for a couple of weeks now, ever since he brought over his cat. And almost all of his stuff is moved out of his old house (and into my garage, LOL). It's great going to bed with him every night, and now that the weather is getting colder the snuggling is awesome. But the commute is brutal, and it's really taking a toll on him. He's commuting 3-4 hours a day, and the worst is Tuesdays: Monday he works 9am - 6pm, then goes to Aikido class afterwards. He doesn't get home until 9:15 at the earliest on Monday nights, and then they always schedule him to work at 6am on Tuesdays, so he's gotta be out the door by 4:30am at the latest. So you can imagine that Tuesday mornings are tough on him. I hate that it's so brutal, and I wish I could make things easier on him. But it's just something we'll have to live with until his transfer goes through and he's able to work closer to home.

And the furniture project is nearly done. Babydaddy needs to come out and do some finishing work on the pieces (trim and stuff), but I've got the desk painted, and two other pieces patched, sanded and primed. Once those are painted and ready to go, I'll move them in and move the other two pieces (which are currently in the house, holding stuff temporarily) out to the garage where they will get the patch/sand/prime/paint treatment.

Birthday surprise!

My 34th birthday, on Monday, arrived with a bit of a surprise: a trip to the ER! Let me explain...

Saturday, after a quick shopping trip to buy Tomboy a new twin-size mattress, I started sanding & priming some of the furniture Babydaddy is making for me. I thought I'd be clever and buy some spray-on primer, figuring that would save me a bunch of time, and I'd have the desk all finished with a couple of coats of paint by Sunday night. So I made a trip to Home Depot, picked up the supplies I needed, and headed home. I sanded, wiped off, and laid on the first coat of primer. I laid on a second coat of primer. I did all this in my well-ventilated garage with the door wide open. I did not use a mask, not even a cheap one, but I did take several breaks to walk out and breathe fresh air, and pulled my t-shirt up over my nose & mouth. I took a shower and made dinner (beef stew) for everyone, and we settled in for the night.

Sunday morning I awoke thinking, "Gee, my face itches. I wonder if I have a rash?" Sure enough, not only did I have a lovely red rash all over my face, but my face was all swollen and I looked like the Pillsbury dough boy with a sunburn. Greeeeeaaaat. I figured it was probably due to the primer, but I really wanted to get that desk finished so I went out to the garage, lightly sanded the desk, wiped it down again, and laid on one more thin coat of primer. Perfect, now it was ready for paint.

But my face was swelling up even more. I washed my face & hands and decided to take some Benadryl to counteract the swelling/allergic reaction. I ran out to Cost Plus, bought and picked up a new dining room table & chairs, and then came back home and crashed out for several hours, thanks to the Benadryl coma. I got up around four and made dinner (Chicken and Brown Rice Casserole, yum!) and celebrated my birthday with Mr Wonderful and the kids. I got some lovely flowers on Saturday from Mr Wonderful, and a big new electric griddle for making big family breakfasts on the weekends. I also received a new alarm clock (desperately needed), a couple of circular knitting needles, and a knitting book. Dad sent me an amazing genealogy report which goes back to the 1700's! Anyhoo, I got some great stuff and we had a tasty cheesecake for dessert (mmm, my fave!).

Mr Wonderful took Tomboy to her mom's house and I got Rugrat ready for bed. The Benadryl had worn off and my face was swollen and itchy again, so I took a shower and popped some Benadryl before vegging out on the couch with Mr Wonderful in front of the TV set. But I started coughing in the shower, and Mr Wonderful got all concerned about my breathing, telling me that I should go to the hospital. When we finally laid down to bed, I felt like there was a weight on my chest and I kept coughing. Finally I gave in, and around 10:30 we decided it would be best for me to go to the ER. I woke up Rugrat, popped him in some footy pajamas, and we all bundled into the car for the long drive out to WC (the local Kaiser hospital doesn't open here for another month). We were luckily able to catch Babydaddy at home, so we dropped Rugrat off there to sleep rather than drag him with us to the hospital.

We got to the hospital shortly before midnight, and after being triaged we were sent to the ER waiting room. The triage nurse had checked my vitals, and my oxygen level was just fine. We discovered, after being there for a couple of hours, that the wait was going to be several hours more...it would likely have taken longer for me to see the ER doc and get a bed in the ER than it would have for me to just go see a doctor in the morning at urgent care. So we figured that since my oxygen level was fine, we could just as easily (and more comfortably!) sleep at home as we could in the waiting room, and we left with stern instructions from the triage nurse to call for an urgent care appointment first thing in the morning. Happy birthday to me! It was 2 hours into my birthday at that point.

Monday morning, we awoke around 8:30 am and I promptly made the appointment to see a doctor later that morning. When I got there, she checked me over, gave me a prescription for Predisone (a steroid to reduce swelling) and Atarax (which she described as high-dose Benadryl, for the itching), and sent me home. I crashed out for most of the day after taking the meds, so my actual birthday was pretty uneventful.

Now the swelling is down, and my face is chapped beyond belief. The rash is peeling and itchy, which the Atarax doesn't help with all that much. But even with all this weirdness and hospital visits and everything, I still think I had a pretty darn nice birthday. It was so lovely to have all of us together this weekend, working on building our home together. And Mr Wonderful and I are both still feeling very blessed to have found each other; it's just so nice to have someone else to pick up the slack sometimes, and to support you when you need it. It's wonderful to have a partner.

Slacking

In real life, no. But on the blog, I've definitely been slacking.

Real life has been taken up by such varied activities as:

• attending the wedding of my best friend from junior high;
• making regular trips to the used book store to unload the boxes and boxes of books I have;
• planning, shopping for, and cooking meals for twice the number of people as I was cooking for a year ago;
• planning the backyard design & layout with Mr Wonderful;
• shopping for Tomboy's bedroom;
• designing a combination desk/cabinet/bookshelf thing that Babydaddy is custom-building for me;
• arranging for a vacation in two months, so that we can visit Mr Wonderful's mother and my mother;
• and rebuilding the old laptop by deleting all software and files, then reinstalling windows and necessary software in order to speed up the computer and keep me from ripping my hair out in big fat chunks.
  

In other words, it's been the usual hectic mess around here. We do seem to be making some progress though; I've taken at least a dozen boxes of books to the used book store (if not more). Also, there is a bookshelf (hutch-type thing that goes above the cabinet) made, and two cabinet frames, although there are no doors or hinges or anything on the cabinets yet. The desk is not built yet either, but I expect Babydaddy will be done with the whole thing in a few more days. Then I have to putty up all the little nail holes, prime it and paint it. And THEN, finally, I can move all the office stuff out of Tomboy's room.

Thankfully, though, I have something to offset all the insanity in my life: Mr Wonderful. He really is great, y'all. He still makes me laugh and keeps me sane and gives me kickass backrubs when my neck is all knotted up. And he still gives me butterflies. I love how patient he is with the kids, and how he can come home from a long day of work and a hellish commute and make me feel like the most important thing in his day.

PMS

I have been in just the worst freaking mood the past few days. I can feel myself being completely fucking irrational and totally blowing things out of proportion. Like the other night when I hollered at Rugrat for no good reason. He was yelling something down to me from upstairs, and I was in the kitchen washing dishes. I kept yelling that I couldn't hear him, and that he needed to come down and talk to me, and he kept yelling whatever it was down the stairs until finally I shut the water off and screamed at the top of my lungs, "[Rugrat's full name] get your ass down here RIGHT NOW!" And he came down, all wide-eyed and scared, and I proceeded to tell him in a super-pissy, barely-holding-it-together-way that when mommy is PMSing and tells you to do something, you'd best do it RIGHT AWAY and not continue doing whatever it is that's pissing me off. And he was very apologetic and of course I felt like a complete bitch, which I am.

And then there's the way I had absolutely no sense of humor with Mr Wonderful yesterday. He was joking around with me, trying to grab the clothes out of the air as I tossed them into the washing machine and I kept telling him to cut it out, until I finally lost it and started swatting him with a camisole and telling him to get out, get out, get out!

Sometimes I really hate being a woman.

Days of wine and sunburns

This weekend, Labor Day weekend, was the annual Harvest Wine Festival in Livermore. If you've never been before, it's a huge thing where you pay a "cover charge" and then get to go to all the Livermore Valley wineries and taste their wines all day. They have live music at most of the wineries, food and arts & crafts for sale, and FREE buses to ferry you around so you're not all blitzed, driving from one winery to the next. The festival spans two days and last year there were thousands of drunk people swarming all over the place, so it got a little nuts. This year, they didn't really promote it, they raised the ticket price, and they held it on Labor Day weekend, when most people are out of town or having BBQ parties at home. So it was a lot more mellow.

Mr Wonderful had the day off (woohooo! Day off together!) and we went to the festival, staying for about four hours and tasting a lot of nice wines. Late in the afternoon, we went to a winery where his friends' band was playing. Now, I have kind of a checkered past with these folks. I went to high school with some of them, and they had a little high school band that my then-future (now ex-) husband was in. After my ex & I divorced, he ended up marrying my ex-best friend a couple years later, and started another band with some of those same guys. Well, he's since left the band, but they are still playing (with a new drummer, obviously) and this is the band we went to see yesterday. Mr Wonderful is pretty close with the lead singer, and has been for many years....whereas I have not seen these folks in a decade, and was slightly nervous about "coming out" to them. Not only is my ex-husband now married to my ex-best friend, but my ex-best friend is Mr Wonderful's ex-girlfriend. So it's pretty incestuous.

Anyway...ex-best friend and ex-husband were not there (thank goodness! I was NOT ready for that), but the guys I did know from the band were very friendly and seemed glad to see Mr Wonderful and I so happy together. I went to get some more wine, and Mr Wonderful told them about moving in with me, and they were genuinely pleased for him. It was nice to see them again, after so many years, and I'm glad it went so smoothly. Not that I would expect shock and horror or anything, but I was quite pleasantly surprised at how welcoming everyone was.

Missing

I'm missing Mr Wonderful like crazy. He & Tomboy left on Saturday to visit his family down in PS, and our bed is just too big and empty when he's not in it. :(

On the plus side, though, Mr Wonderful told Tomboy yesterday about the two of them moving in with Rugrat and I. Tomboy is excited, and has already started thinking about how she wants to decorate her room. I'm really looking forward to that - it's going to be loads of fun. I saw the cutest sheets at Target the other day: green with white polka dots (green is her favorite color). Of course Rugrat is going to want to redo HIS room as well, so it's going to end up being a big process.

Now I just need to get moving on packing up the stuff and getting rid of the bookshelves. We've only got about two months before they officially move in. I have a massive set of bookshelves in the dining room, and they need to go away. Babydaddy is building a sort of modular shelving/desk thing to fit against that wall for me, so that I can move my office stuff out of the third bedroom, since that will be Tomboy's room. But before that comes in, I have to pack up the books, get rid of the bookshelf, and (hopefully) dispose of all the boxes of books as well. Or at least find a spot for them in the garage. I need to get a thrift store pickup as well; I have quite a lot of housewares, clothing, toys, and even an old TV to get rid of. It's getting sort of ridiculous. I did a lot of shuffling in the garage a few weeks ago when I moved some stuff into the shed, and there's a bit more room in the garage now, but there's a long way to go still.

Disconnected

I've been feeling a little disconnected recently. Maybe it's the crazy dreams. Maybe it's the hectic pace of life. And maybe it's the fact that for almost a month now, whenever Mr Wonderful and I have been together, we've been doing something - driving all over the bay area to shuffle his new motorcycle in & out of the shop, taking care of house stuff and moving issues (like buying/building a shed), juggling the kids, running errands, etc. There hasn't been any time to just BE together, and I miss that. But last night we spent probably fifteen or twenty minutes just kissing, and I feel reborn. I just really needed that time to reconnect with him, and remind myself of why we are going through all this upheaval and stress. It's because I love him like crazy and cannot imagine my life without him. It's because I want to spend every night with him and wake up next to him every day for the rest of my life (even if I do go right back to sleep because, hello? He's getting up at 4 AM!).

Notes from the subconscious

I've been having crazy dreams recently. A few days ago, I dreamed that Mr Wonderful cheated on me and I woke myself up screaming at him. I called him immediately (he was on his way to work) and just the sound of his voice was enough to calm me down. Because I know he would never actually cheat on me, but when it's 5:30 in the morning and you've just woken up from a very vivid bad dream, you tend to sort of freak out just a little bit. Well, I do anyway.

And then last night (actually this morning) I dreamed that Mr Wonderful broke up with me and I went out and got drunk and then called a friend to pick me up. When the friend came, I accidentally locked my keys in my car (with the car running) and while we were waiting for triple-A to show up, some guy was climbing on a street light pole and slid down it like a slide and did a face plant in the street. Totally dead. Creepy, right?

I mean, what the heck is going on with me? Mr Wonderful thinks I have subconscious anxiety about our relationship. He's probably right, but...why would I be anxious? Things are great. Maybe I'm anxious BECAUSE things are great, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop? We still haven't had any real conflicts between us, and it's kind of weird. Good, but weird. I'm not used to having a relationship without some kind of drama. Things are just very smooth with us.