It's so hot

It's been hot for weeks now. Not just normal summertime hot but blistering, get-a-sunburn-five-minutes-after-you-step-outside hot. I'm over it. The whole stupid weather thing that's been going on for a year...it's just been one extreme after another.

On the other hand...I've had a couple of dates with a new guy (M). Not so sure yet how I feel about him. He seems nice but was *VERY* clingy after our before our first & second dates. Now I haven't heard a peep since last Friday. It's just...strange. Yes, I kind of blew him off on our second date (not horribly, but I was a bit buzzed & with my friends and kind of just chatting with everyone, not paying attention exclusively to him). So...whatever. I'm not really stressed over it either way. I mean, I could see him a few more times but I'm not sure if I'm really into it, so I don't much care if I don't hear from him anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if I have just gotten too used to my independence. I haven't fallen in love (or even, really, in lust) for a long, long time. Years, actually. Unless you count the conference guy. That was definitely just lust, and definitely a conference-only kind of thing. Not only does he live 3000 miles away, but he's...um...married. I never thought I would be the kind of person who would knowingly mess around with a married man, but dayum, the man was hung like Secretariat, and he was very persistent. I did put up a bit of a fight, but once I saw his stellar package, I couldn't turn it away. Just...oh my god.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like I need to break out of whatever weird cycle I'm in and get back in the game - really in the game. I haven't felt that fluttery feeling in years, and I hate thinking that I might never feel it again.