CPSIL update, again

The latest news in the CPSIL saga is that she's thinking about moving to Boston - WITH the kids - and living with some guy, who is apparently going to support her and yet not expect her to sleep with him. She is completely insane if she thinks that some guy is going to pay for her room and board (not to mention supporting her children as well) without expecting something in return. And the fact that shortly after abandoning her children she's decided that she needs to uproot them from their family and take them all the way across the country, away from their father who's been the only stable parent in their short lives...I am just speechless.

On a happier note, I went out to D's house last night and spent the night. It was so nice to snuggle up and sleep with him, but it was horrible torture not being able to have sex! (Although I did manage to help him out a bit. Ahem.) Thank goodness on Tuesday I'll be done with the BV treatment, because he's coming out here to spend the night, and I am going to pounce on him. :)

By the way...

When I went to the doctor's office yesterday, they weighed me, and I am down to just under 130. Dude! Seriously! I have met my goal, in only about 2 months.

But now I'm getting kind of worried. It is not normal for me to drop ten pounds in two months. Maybe my thyroid is going batshit? Or maybe it's a side effect of the cholesterol medication or something. Because seriously, the pounds just MELTED off of me, and I can't believe it was all due to just knitting in the evenings. I've only been to the gym like twice in the last two months, so it's certainly not that. And I'm not eating any healthier than normal, other than just not snacking as much at night. Is it really possible that I dropped 10+ pounds in two months just by not snacking in front of the TV?

iTunes shuffle as oracle

This is a meme that's probably really old in the blog world, but I found several instances of it when Googling "iTunes shuffle oracle" after reading Sars' iChing piece.

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
I Shall Believe, Sheryl Crow -- so the world thinks I want to be lied to? Not sure I'm liking this.

Will I have a happy life?
Just Another Day, Oingo Boingo -- that....is not very encouraging.

What do my friends really think of me?
Spanish with Michel Thomas, lesson 8. Wait, that makes no sense. Re-try: Black, Sarah McLachlan -- ouch!

Do people secretly lust after me?:
Baby I Love You, Aretha Franklin -- now that's more like it!

How can I make myself happy?
I Wanna Be Like You, Jungle Book Soundtrack -- OMG ROFLMAO

What should I do with my life?
Everyday Is Like Sunday, Morrissey -- OK, honestly I first got Elvira saying "Hello Darling," but that couldn't possibly count right? So if this is the "real" answer, I should...curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself?

Will I ever have children?
God Don't Make Lonely Girls, The Wallflowers -- well, that seems pretty straightforward to me. Because, yanno, women can always get laid. Of course this is all a moot point since I already have the Rugrat.

What is some good advice for me?
If I Can't Have You, Yvonne Elliman (Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack) -- so I should just give up and become celibate if it doesn't work out with D? WTF?

How will I be remembered?
Don't Phunk With My Heart, Black Eyed Peas -- Hmm...so I will be remembered as a tramp?

What is my signature dancing song?
Wolfman's Brother, Phish -- ummm, yeahhhh.

What do I think my current theme song is?
She's Got a Way, Billy Joel -- aww, that's nice.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Peaches & Cream, 112 -- damn, I really WILL be remembered as a tramp, won't I?

What song will play at my funeral?
The First Noel, NSync -- God, let's hope not.

What type of men/women do you like?
Live To Tell, Tori Amos -- so I like guys who are liars and and will fuck me over? iTunes really doesn't think much of me, does it?

What is my day going to be like?
Moments of Pleasure, Kate Bush -- I can live with that. :)

Correction

Not a yeast infection, it's the goddamn BV again! Jesus H Christ on a fucking pogo stick.

So...diaphragm is out. It would cause the same bacterial infection. I'm going back on the pill. *sigh* I really quite liked being in touch with my body's rhythms & changes, but chronic BV is totally unacceptable.

Gosh diddly darn it

Stupid sponge gave me a raging yeast infection. Arrrrrgh. And today I go for my diaphragm fitting. Well, at least I can get the doc to give me diflucan.

The big weekend

I am SO sore. Seven times in one weekend? Yeah, I'm a little bit beat. ;-)

We had a great time though; went on a couple of wild goose chases in the car, had fabulous jambalaya on Friday (that took much longer to cook than it should have) and went out to dinner with K on Saturday night, so she got to meet him. (And of course she totally approves; thinks he's really cute and sweet and is very happy for me.) I barely smoked at all because the cough was driving me batshit, and I was drugged up on codeine for much of the weekend, but...all in all, I'd say it was a success. Even if I did blurt out the "L" word during our last...*ahem*...session. He was very cool about it and didn't even flinch. Heh. It appears that I have some sort of hangup about it though, because I was trying to repress it all weekend and it was having an adverse effect on my...um...enjoyment of certain activities. Once I said it, I pretty much exploded. So while I may not be totally head over heels in love with him in every respect, my hormones think they are and apparently the hormones must have their way.

Oh, and on one of our wild goose chases, we went to SF. We went to the Ferry Building and I got to go to the Cowgirl Creamery shop, which...OMG. Nirvana. Absolute heaven. I bought $40 worth of cheese and am totally pigging out on it.

Today's the day

Or, perhaps I should say, tonight's the night.

So...I think I'm ready. Almost. The sheets are in the washing machine and my house is still pretty neat & clean (amazing), legs & armpits are freshly shaved, I've got all the food to make the jambalaya...what am I missing? Oh yeah, hair. Bad hair, but it's OK because I'm going to take another shower at lunchtime so I can be super-fresh and clean, and so I can exfoliate and moisturize the hell outta my skin. I'll do my hair after the shower. The iPod playlist is complete, and I've been listening to it for days.

Oh HOW am I going to get through the next nine hours???

Holy Mary Mother of God

I finally figured out what was dragging my computer down. I've been having horrible problems with my computer in the last couple of months. Things have just gotten slower and slower until finally I was waiting actual MINUTES for my computer to respond to stuff, especially on Firefox. Today I realized (lightbulb moment!) that it wasn't happening with IE. Just with Firefox. So I went into the Mozilla forums, and lo and behold, what do I find but a bunch of threads talking about how Panda (anti-virus software) is conflicting with Firefox. It seems that Panda kept thinking that the web pages were throwing out spyware, and so it was slowing down my computer to a crawl. No, not a crawl. it was worse than a crawl. It was slowing my computer down to almost a full fucking stop. So, that's it. No more Panda for me. I finally uninstalled it and installed the free AVG anti-virus software, and my computer is like brand-new. There may be a hiccup or two but NOTHING like I was dealing with for the past few weeks. And it's probably only slightly slow now because I am running the scan - and yet I'm still able to work and get decent response times while the AVG is scanning my entire computer.

Speaking of irritations, I got my first bikini wax yesterday. Preparing for the coming weekend that will consist of mass quantities of sex, I hope. And actually, the bikini wax wasn't bad AT ALL. I'm thinking about getting a Brazilian next time, because this was really nothing.

Much more irritating is the damn cough that is still hanging on for dear life. I finally went to the doctor this morning because I just cannot take it anymore. He hooked me up with an albuterol inhaler (which doesn't seem to really do much of anything for me, thanks) and cough syrup with codeine. I took a shot at about 11:30 this morning, and to be honest, I'm not feeling much decrease in the coughing, but at least I'm high as a kite and I don't care. Heh.

Tuesday night I went out to visit D. We went to a new Vietnamese restaurant in town, a little hole in the wall place in Springtown, and it was FANTASTIC. Really excellent food, especially the curry chicken soup (which I tried to sort of duplicate last night with the Thai red curry paste; it turned out pretty good!). Then we went back to his place to drop off the leftovers. I met his roommate, who seems like a pretty cool guy. Apparently he remembered me from high school; he was a year behind me at LHS. I had absolutely no clue who he was. Heh. Then D and I drove out Patterson Pass and "parked" - how high school is that? Totally made out in the car for an hour or so. It was awesome, but we were both so goddamn horny afterwards, it's not even funny. We'd made a pact to refrain from...um...releasing our passion...until our big night on Friday, but we decided to take a night off from the celibacy pact because it was just too hard. No pun intended. ;-) So anyway...tomorrow night! In fact, he'll be here in 26.5 hours. And it will be fabulous.

Girlfriend????

I miss D. I haven't seen him for over a week now. But the other night, while we were talking on the phone, he referred to me as his girlfriend. I didn't really react to it, because he just threw it out so casually like it was understood. Is it understood? I mean, I guess it is. We have agreed that we are dating exclusively...but we haven't even slept together yet! It just seems so odd. Anyway, it was a nice surprise. I think. Am I becoming commitment-phobic? Maybe I'm just out of practice, because I haven't had a boyfriend in about three years, and that was my second go-round with Babydaddy, which...we were not exactly exclusive. Well, I was, but he wasn't. Not that he was running around behind my back or anything; I knew he was dating other people and I was OK with it, God only knows why. Anyway...tangent. Yeah. So: girlfriend. I'm somebody's girlfriend!

I am trying to keep my footing here, but I feel myself really falling for him, and I don't know that I'm ready for it yet. I've been single for so long that I'm kind of struggling with how much to let him in, and how far I should go, emotionally. It's been a long time since I've depended on a man for anything. Well, you know, except for the rare one-night-stands, where all I'm expecting is (hopefully) an orgasm. And Babydaddy, for fixing stuff around the house. Heh. But I haven't depended on anyone for emotional support since...I can't remember when. Probably the first time around with Babydaddy. Even Bob (not B.O.B., but the actual guy) was all about mindblowing sex, not emotional support. Not that I'm not hoping for mindblowing sex with D - I am! Very much so! But I feel comfortable with him, and I think about him ALL. THE. TIME. He's the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.

I miss him. I miss...my boyfriend. There, I said it. :)

EIGHT!

I went to the gym last night to try and work off some of this nervous energy. It's been a while since I've been there; I don't think I've been since Mom was in town and we went together. It felt good to get back in the swing of things, but the best part? The BEST PART? Was when I weighed myself after I showered and changed. I have lost eight pounds! EIGHT!

I had no idea that the evening snacking was quite as insidious as all that. I'll never go back to it, never. Eight pounds, y'all! I am two pounds away from my goal and I've only been to the gym twice since I started the "knitting diet."

And to top it all off? I came home and managed to squeeze into my skinny jeans last night. Gap size 2. I've still got a bit of muffin-top when I wear them, so I won't be taking them out in public just yet, but...they zipped up! Skinny jeans! EIGHT POUNDS!

Best day of my life, y'all.

Holy frijoles!

Damn, my house is clean! I mean really super spic-n-span clean. Yesterday I called a cleaning lady who came highly recommended by someone on the local parents' mailing list. She came this morning with her sister and cleaned the FUCK outta my house for three hours. They did the windows and the blinds. They cleaned the grody shower door track. They made the beds and neatened the place up. They even got the cobwebs that hang out in the highest reaches of the two-story cathedral living room ceilings. They folded all the toilet paper rolls into little triangle ends - and the paper towel roll too! And the woman only wanted to charge me $100! I gave her $200 - seriously, they cleaned the place so well I think I could happily eat off the floors. I asked her to start coming every other week and it is going to be so nice to have it done professionally on a regular basis. Because, yanno, I am a total slob and lazy to boot.

Oh, and my computer is dying a slow, painful death. Last night the speakers went all wonky, and so I ran the anti-virus software, thinking maybe it was a virus. Halfway through the scan, I got the Blue Screen of Death. *sigh* Boss is meeting me tomorrow afternoon to take the laptop and have the hard drive replaced - hopefully that will help a lot.

Resorting to bribery

Last night I bribed Babydaddy with meatloaf and smothered mushroom gravy. I made one of Rachael Ray's 30-minute meal recipes but sort of altered it, because I didn't want mashed cauliflower; instead we had roasted cauliflower with a little shaved asiago cheese. The little individual meatloaves were quite good - you cook them in a skillet instead of baking them, but I think they needed a little something extra. Babydaddy suggested throwing in a little horseradish next time, which sounds fantastic to me.

Anyhoo, I made him this special dinner and then hit him with my request - I want a night off each week. A real night off, where he takes Rugrat back to his house and I get the whole night to myself. I asked for Thursdays, but he pointed out that it's difficult when he's got Rugrat for the weekend, because it means he has to drop him off out here at school in the morning on Friday, go to work, and then get back out here in time to pick him up. It's just too much commuting, especially with the horrendous traffic we have out here. He suggested Tuesdays. We finally compromised: Thursdays one week, Tuesdays the next.

I haven't been horribly unhappy with the custody arrangement this past year, but now that I'm seeing D pretty regularly, it's disappointing to have to finish a date at 9:00 pm so I can get back home and let Babydaddy go home before it gets too late. And it also means that I am always going out to visit D, rather than him coming out here sometimes, because Babydaddy and Rugrat are here at the house so we'd have no privacy (and I'm not ready for D to meet Rugrat yet anyway). So...this will give me some more options, and Rugrat will get to spend some quality time with his dad, and I will get to sleep in an extra hour once a week. Nice!

Wonderland

So I have been tasked with creating the "soundtrack" for our first big night. In a little less than two weeks, D and I will have a free weekend together - and by free I mean: no work, his daughter out of town on vacation, my son at his dad's house, a full freaking weekend in which we will both have our test results and nothing to stop us from getting totally jiggy with it.

It can't come soon enough for me. After Sunday night I seem to be in a permanent state of arousal that B.O.B. and the shower massage cannot seem to quench.

So...the soundtrack. He wants me to create an iPod playlist for background music, and I am struggling. I mean, there are some obvious choices (Sexual Healing, heh) but some that may be too mushy. I don't want a whole bunch of lovey-lovey crap because quite frankly I don't think we're there yet. And should I stick with a slower theme or should I mix it up with some higher energy, do-me-up-against-the-wall kind of stuff? *sigh* Choices, choices.

Suggestions would be very welcome. :)

Oh. My. God.

D came over last night after dropping his daughter off at her mom's. We spent two hours making out, and I have never been so freaking horny in my whole entire life. I can think of nothing but his lips, tongue, hands...

Test results came in the mail this weekend, and I have the all-clear. Woohoo! Now just waiting on the diaphragm. D will have a whole weekend free in two weeks as his daughter is going to Disneyland, but I won't get the diaphragm until 2 days later. So...I'm thinking about the sponge. Anyone used it? All I know about it is from that one Seinfeld episode where Elaine hoards them and will only sleep with men that she deems "sponge-worthy."

Oh, and I packed up FOURTEEN boxes of books over the weekend! About 1200, boxed and scanned.

Eeeeee!

I am so excited. Earlier this week I was perusing the chicklit boards and one of the threads was about organizing your books. Now, my books are decided UN-organized. Ever since I put out the word among family & friends that I'd like to open a used book store, I've been inundated with loads of books. I have thousands - taking up practically every square inch of storage space in my home. There are bookshelves in nearly every room, with books double-stacked on most shelves. There are boxes and bags filled with books in the garage. There is no sense of order or reason; everything has just been shoved willy-nilly, wherever it will fit when I acquired it. My two-car garage barely fits my little old Honda Accord anymore, because it's so overrun with books. And to make matters worse, I set up a database with the intention of cataloging all those books in order to keep track of what I have and what I plan to sell it for, but I couldn't keep up with it because: thousands of books, yo. All having to be entered by hand. NOT HAPPENING.

So on Tuesday, when I was reading through that thread about organizing your books, I got a bug up my butt. I found some great, cheap software from collectorz, and ordered it as well as a BARCODE SCANNER! The scanner will store up to 500 codes in memory. Then you just hook it up to your computer, and it downloads the barcodes into the book collectorz software. It automatically puts in the details of the books (author, title, cover price, etc), and you are free to go run off and scan 500 more books. Is that freaking awesome or what?

So the barcode scanner just came in the mail, and I am totally jacked. I'm spending the weekend organizing my book stash, y'all! Scan the books, put them in boxes, tape 'em up, and store them OUT OF SIGHT. Ahhh...I am so looking forward to less clutter.

Difficult conversation

Last night D & I had our fourth date - a mellow evening on the couch with Borat and some supermarket salad & rotisserie chicken. The movie was hilarious, in a totally cringe-worthy way. And the food was tasty. And the making out was excellent.

Mom, Grandma...y'all might want to stop reading here. HUGE oversharing ahead.

Since it was our fourth date, I kind of expected that the sex issue would come up. And I totally chickened out about initiating The Talk, but gently stopped things from going too far anyhow. Almost immediately after I got home, he called to make sure I got home OK, and I took a deep breath and jumped in. Now, I've never had The Talk before. In the past several years, sex has been a very casual one-off kind of thing, with condoms playing an integral part of the equation. Before that, I was in a couple of short (<6 months) relationships that also featured condoms. And before THAT, well, I was with Babydaddy, and I was on the Pill (until I wasn't...and we know how that turned out, don't we?). But with D...OK, let me just say it. I hate condoms. Hate, hate, hate. Yes, I realize that they are a necessary evil in today's society, and they have certainly kept me safe for many years. But I've waited almost two decades to have sex with D, and I really don't want anything between us (literally) when the moment arrives. So, I kind of blurted out that last week, when I visited the doc, I got tested for the whole lineup of bad juju. Results are not back yet, but I'm not exactly concerned about it; I'm fairly certain I'm in the clear here considering my track record and previous test results. And I set up an appointment to get fitted for a diaphragm, because I've gone that route before, it's non-invasive, and doesn't play havoc with my hormones, so it's a good option. And...he was totally cool. Very reassuring, told me he would get tested himself (yay!) and assured me that he is not seeing anyone else, and would not do so while we are in a relationship. So...once we have our test results & diaphragm in hand (so to speak), we will be free to forge ahead with what I sincerely hope is going to be some totally kickass sex.

Quick Veggie Pizza

We made homemade veggie pizza for dinner last night. I bought one of those premade thin-crust pizza shells, and we filled it with ranch dressing (instead of marinara, because neither of Rugrat nor I like tomato sauce on our pizza), baby spinach, mushrooms, olives, marinated artichoke hearts, slivers of onion, garlic, and standard bagged "pizza mix" shredded cheese. Rugrat's side only had spinach & olives, but my side had all the goodies. And BOY was it tasty! It earned one and a half thumbs up from the Rugrat, although he said that next time he'd prefer it without the ranch dressing.

Weekend notes

This weekend I got a bug up my butt about the yard. On Saturday, I spent five (!!) hours outside - weeding, putting down bark, cutting off dead leaves from the elephant ear plant thing near the front door (which left no leaves at all; we'll see if it survives), planting stuff in the pots in the backyard, and cutting back the fuschias on the other side of the front door that were also doing quite poorly thanks to the hard freeze we had a few weeks ago. On Sunday I had someone come out to dethatch and aerate the front lawn, and they will be reseeding it today. So at least the front yard will look presentable in a few weeks. I'm also definitely getting a gardening service, because God knows I don't mow often enough (or fertilize, or weed, or anything).

As a result of working my butt off on Saturday, I was pretty sore yesterday. But I dragged Rugrat out to get some new clothes (pants are a particular issue with him, as we have a hard time finding jeans that fit the length while still being small enough in the waist to fit his skinny bod), and to the grocery store. Rugrat's friend K came over for a little while to play, and when I told the kids that it was time for her to go home, Rugrat shouted "Oh, shit!" He is EIGHT. That is way too young to be cursing at the top of your lungs. Soooo...to punish him I made him not speak for an hour (and if you know my Rugrat, you know that this is very difficult for him, since he's a major chatterbox). I told him if I heard him curse again, he'd be getting his mouth washed out with soap. Of course it doesn't help that I'm a complete hypocrite and curse fairly often myself; when he brought this up I told him that when he is twenty-five years older than someone (as I am older than him) he can curse all he wants. Heh.

The weekend ended on a good note though, as we made homemade veggie pizza for dinner last night. I bought one of those thin-crust pizza shells, and we filled it with ranch dressing (instead of marinara, because neither of us like tomato sauce on our pizza), baby spinach, mushrooms, olives, marinated artichoke hearts, slivers of onion, garlic, and standard bagged "pizza mix" shredded cheese. Rugrat's side only had spinach & olives, but my side had all the goodies. And BOY was it good! It earned one and a half thumbs up from the Rugrat, although he said that next time he'd prefer it without the ranch dressing.

Clarity

I am no longer uncertain about D's intentions towards me. They are most definitely of the naughty variety. :)

By late Monday morning I could no longer deny the existence of the head cold. It took over and beat me into submission, so D & I rescheduled our date for Thursday. Luckily, due to the glorious combination of Cold-Eeze, NyQuil, and Babydaddy bringing me chicken soup and orange juice Tuesday night, by Wednesday I was feeling much better. And yesterday, Thursday, I was basically back to normal.

D & I met up in my hometown (where he lives), about half an hour away from me, and had Mexican food for dinner. Then we headed out to play pool, which...I honestly am not very good at, especially since I don't play often. But it was my suggestion, because it's fun and doesn't preclude conversation. And it gives me great excuses to bend over, putting my assets (so to speak) on display. Heh.

At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and finally, FINALLY kissed me. It was very sweet. He asked me, "How shy should I be right now?" and I promptly responded, "Less shy than you've been so far!" Hee. And...yum. Very good kisser. Plus he has an incredibly strong upper body that just makes me want to melt. I don't usually go for the muscle bound type but holy god, do I feel safe and squishy in his arms.

I woke up in a really good mood this morning, bounding out of bed before the alarm clock even went off. Wonder why? ;-)