Monday, March 19, 2007


I miss D. I haven't seen him for over a week now. But the other night, while we were talking on the phone, he referred to me as his girlfriend. I didn't really react to it, because he just threw it out so casually like it was understood. Is it understood? I mean, I guess it is. We have agreed that we are dating exclusively...but we haven't even slept together yet! It just seems so odd. Anyway, it was a nice surprise. I think. Am I becoming commitment-phobic? Maybe I'm just out of practice, because I haven't had a boyfriend in about three years, and that was my second go-round with Babydaddy, which...we were not exactly exclusive. Well, I was, but he wasn't. Not that he was running around behind my back or anything; I knew he was dating other people and I was OK with it, God only knows why. Anyway...tangent. Yeah. So: girlfriend. I'm somebody's girlfriend!

I am trying to keep my footing here, but I feel myself really falling for him, and I don't know that I'm ready for it yet. I've been single for so long that I'm kind of struggling with how much to let him in, and how far I should go, emotionally. It's been a long time since I've depended on a man for anything. Well, you know, except for the rare one-night-stands, where all I'm expecting is (hopefully) an orgasm. And Babydaddy, for fixing stuff around the house. Heh. But I haven't depended on anyone for emotional support since...I can't remember when. Probably the first time around with Babydaddy. Even Bob (not B.O.B., but the actual guy) was all about mindblowing sex, not emotional support. Not that I'm not hoping for mindblowing sex with D - I am! Very much so! But I feel comfortable with him, and I think about him ALL. THE. TIME. He's the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.

I miss him. I boyfriend. There, I said it. :)

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