Good news: I called AAA today and my car insurance is only going up $30 a year!
Bad news: I am still a snot factory and I'm getting really freaking tired of being sick.
Good news: I'm not pregnant! (Unless of course you are my mother, in which case this falls under the "bad news" category, because lord knows, she'd love to see me get knocked up again. Which I honestly cannot understand, considering the fact that I had an awful pregnancy & delivery, and am not exactly "earth mother" with the one child I do have. His ADD drives me completely fucking insane at times, and I frequently lose my patience and my temper with him.)
Bad news: I've got cramps.
Good news: D met Rugrat yesterday! We surprised D with some homemade chocolate chip cookies (his favorite) as a "sorry you broke your toe" present. I was a little worried about just springing it on him like that, but I figured we'd just stay for a few minutes and keep it really casual, because I knew D had things to do. However, D's plans sort of fell through, so we ended up spending a while at the park together. Anyway, they got along well despite the fact that Rugrat was in rare form, hollering at the top of his lungs and just generally completely on edge. He claimed to like D very much though, so I'm not sure what all that was about. But it has been like 5 or 6 years since I last introduced Rugrat to a boyfriend; maybe it was just strange for him.
Bad news: The "get it all over with at once" party isn't happening this weekend. D's friend Dave, who is one of my Myspace buddies now, is having a birthday party this weekend. D & I and D's daughter were all going to go together, which would have tackled a couple of issues at once: 1) I'd meet D's daughter and 2) D & I would "come out" to his extended group of friends. Well, the extended group of friends consists mainly of a whole lot of people I haven't seen for 10 or 15 years, including my ex-husband and my ex-best friend. The ex-best friend was once D's girlfriend, and is now married to MY ex-husband, and they have two kids together. So I was fully expecting this to be much like a Jerry Springer episode (but hopefully with less cursing and fewer flying chairs). Except that now, it turns out that D has a prior engagement at his sister's house this coming weekend, and will not be attending the birthday party. Which means that 1) I'm not meeting his daughter this weekend and 2) I'm not getting this incredibly uncomfortable meeting-with-the-exes over with any time soon.
Good news: I see D tomorrow night!
Bad news: I miss him so much and wish I could see him RIGHT NOW.
Good news: D's schedule is fantastic for us this week. He has an early schedule tomorrow, so he'll be off early and at my house around the time that I am finishing work. On Wednesday, he doesn't have to be to work until 2:45 PM, so we can sleep in together and have a lazy morning.
And that seems like a really good note to finish up on. :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
New Car!
Guess what I did yesterday?
After five years of lusting heavily after the Toyota Highlander, I finally bought one. It has LEATHER SEATS and a premium sound system and a moon roof and a roof rack and it fucking kicks ASS. Remote keyless entry with some fancy-shmancy ignition disabling security system. V6, so my baby's got some getup and go. Power every-fucking-thing. And I got a fantastic price, it's only a year old, and it has less than 20K miles on it.
Sweeeeeeet!
After five years of lusting heavily after the Toyota Highlander, I finally bought one. It has LEATHER SEATS and a premium sound system and a moon roof and a roof rack and it fucking kicks ASS. Remote keyless entry with some fancy-shmancy ignition disabling security system. V6, so my baby's got some getup and go. Power every-fucking-thing. And I got a fantastic price, it's only a year old, and it has less than 20K miles on it.
Sweeeeeeet!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Three little words
It's funny, I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. I mean, I know how he feels about me. I've known for weeks that he is crazy about me; he'd show me in every possible way, except by saying those three little words.
But then last night he said it. "I love you." And I thought my heart was going to burst, I was so happy.
I had convinced myself that it really wasn't important to hear those three little words, but yanno what? It is. And the fact that I knew how he felt, that I could tell in the way he looked at me, touched me, talked to me, called me three or more times a day, sent me flowers for no reason, just everything...it doesn't detract from the fact that my heart leaps when he tells me he loves me.
But then last night he said it. "I love you." And I thought my heart was going to burst, I was so happy.
I had convinced myself that it really wasn't important to hear those three little words, but yanno what? It is. And the fact that I knew how he felt, that I could tell in the way he looked at me, touched me, talked to me, called me three or more times a day, sent me flowers for no reason, just everything...it doesn't detract from the fact that my heart leaps when he tells me he loves me.
Pork and Veggie Stir Fry with Rice Noodles
I based this stir fry on Rachael Ray's Asian-Style Pork and Vegetable Noodles, but made a few substitutions. I'm not a big fan of bell peppers, so I threw in some chinese peapods instead of the red pepper strips. I used some rice noodles, because I had them on hand. I put a little honey in the dressing to cut the heat and the super-salty elements. And I left the green onions out until the very end, because I wanted them to keep their fresh, green color and flavor.
Overall, it was fairly tasty, although I think it needed more heat (maybe a little chili oil in the dressing?) and I way overcooked the pork. Lesson learned - have all your elements in place, and no matter how long she cooks the meat on her show, do NOT stir fry meat for more than a minute or two before you throw in the rest of the ingredients.
Overall, it was fairly tasty, although I think it needed more heat (maybe a little chili oil in the dressing?) and I way overcooked the pork. Lesson learned - have all your elements in place, and no matter how long she cooks the meat on her show, do NOT stir fry meat for more than a minute or two before you throw in the rest of the ingredients.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
So much to say
OK, so last weekend? Was totally fabulous until Saturday morning, at which time it took a distinct nosedive. I flew out Friday afternoon to visit Dad & Stepmom in Arizona, and as expected, I shriveled up into a raisin as soon as I stepped off the plane. It is just SO damn dry out there, y'all.
Friday night we had a lovely scotch-tasting party, which consisted of four people getting royally hammered and ended with Dad and I variously 1) giving D hell on the phone (Dad actually used the words "I hear you're fucking my daughter" - I was mortified); 2) playing cribbage (at which I had a few spectacular hands although I think he still beat me twice, or maybe thrice); and 3) getting all fucking maudlin and crying and telling the other person how much we loved them. You know. Much alcohol is imbibed, and the world's problems are miraculously solved. Or at least the past problems between my father and I, which are generally rehashed each time we get sloshed together. ;-)
Saturday morning dawned with a loverly hangover, and me waking up at about 8 and unable to get back to sleep. The hangover went away, but in its place I developed a nasty cold which kept me up shivering half the night and only getting about 2 hours sleep before my flight home on Sunday. I do not ever recommend flying when you have a fever. It is brutal. I was completely discombobulated, and it took about 2-3 hours after I landed in Oakland to FINALLY get my ears to pop.
So then I spent two days laying on my couch, and in bed, and trying to recover some sort of normal life. Of course I called D on Sunday and told him it wouldn't be a good idea for him to come out, unless he was actively trying to get sick. Turns out his daughter was sick too, and he ended up keeping her home with him Monday anyway, so the usual Sunday night meetup wasn't going to happen anyway.
And now we get to the real meat of things which is the fact that things are going SO well with D that it is downright frightening. We had a little discussion last night in which he told me that he's not going anywhere, and I told him how good he makes me feel (get your mind out of the gutter) and that he makes me want to be a better person. Blah blah feel-good-cakes. And today there was some discussion of meeting our respective progeny. I think it would be better (less pressure on the kids AND on us) if we are able to get together, all four of us, in a way that makes it seem more like a casual playdate and less like "OMG, I'm meeting my mom's boyfriend." You know? So it may still be another month or so, because our schedules still conflict. And there was some talk about pets, and how Rugrat really wants one, and I really DON'T want the responsibility to fall on me, because dammit, I just don't like animals. And he said something about how he could help out with the cage cleaning & feeding and stuff (we were discussing lizards). And I just stopped the conversation right there, because he was going to have to go back in to work and there is a whole thing here that I just wasn't ready to open up for discussion and be able to deal with in like five minutes.
And that thing is: commitment. Because that is what is going on here, isn't it? And we've only been dating two months. It feels like forever, and it feels right, but it's still only been TWO MONTHS. And I cannot make plans based on things someone says only two months into a relationship. I cannot get a lizard for Rugrat based on the fact that D says he will help me take care of the thing because who knows what's going to happen in six months or a year? We have not seen each other at our worst yet. We are still in that googly-eyed sex haze where the other person is the most fabulous human being on the planet. You know? We haven't pissed each other off yet. So as much as I would love to just float and let myself believe that these feelings will last forever, I am too cynical now (or too pragmatic) to just live completely in the moment. I have a child to think of, after all, and I cannot allow my hormones to override my common sense.
Friday night we had a lovely scotch-tasting party, which consisted of four people getting royally hammered and ended with Dad and I variously 1) giving D hell on the phone (Dad actually used the words "I hear you're fucking my daughter" - I was mortified); 2) playing cribbage (at which I had a few spectacular hands although I think he still beat me twice, or maybe thrice); and 3) getting all fucking maudlin and crying and telling the other person how much we loved them. You know. Much alcohol is imbibed, and the world's problems are miraculously solved. Or at least the past problems between my father and I, which are generally rehashed each time we get sloshed together. ;-)
Saturday morning dawned with a loverly hangover, and me waking up at about 8 and unable to get back to sleep. The hangover went away, but in its place I developed a nasty cold which kept me up shivering half the night and only getting about 2 hours sleep before my flight home on Sunday. I do not ever recommend flying when you have a fever. It is brutal. I was completely discombobulated, and it took about 2-3 hours after I landed in Oakland to FINALLY get my ears to pop.
So then I spent two days laying on my couch, and in bed, and trying to recover some sort of normal life. Of course I called D on Sunday and told him it wouldn't be a good idea for him to come out, unless he was actively trying to get sick. Turns out his daughter was sick too, and he ended up keeping her home with him Monday anyway, so the usual Sunday night meetup wasn't going to happen anyway.
And now we get to the real meat of things which is the fact that things are going SO well with D that it is downright frightening. We had a little discussion last night in which he told me that he's not going anywhere, and I told him how good he makes me feel (get your mind out of the gutter) and that he makes me want to be a better person. Blah blah feel-good-cakes. And today there was some discussion of meeting our respective progeny. I think it would be better (less pressure on the kids AND on us) if we are able to get together, all four of us, in a way that makes it seem more like a casual playdate and less like "OMG, I'm meeting my mom's boyfriend." You know? So it may still be another month or so, because our schedules still conflict. And there was some talk about pets, and how Rugrat really wants one, and I really DON'T want the responsibility to fall on me, because dammit, I just don't like animals. And he said something about how he could help out with the cage cleaning & feeding and stuff (we were discussing lizards). And I just stopped the conversation right there, because he was going to have to go back in to work and there is a whole thing here that I just wasn't ready to open up for discussion and be able to deal with in like five minutes.
And that thing is: commitment. Because that is what is going on here, isn't it? And we've only been dating two months. It feels like forever, and it feels right, but it's still only been TWO MONTHS. And I cannot make plans based on things someone says only two months into a relationship. I cannot get a lizard for Rugrat based on the fact that D says he will help me take care of the thing because who knows what's going to happen in six months or a year? We have not seen each other at our worst yet. We are still in that googly-eyed sex haze where the other person is the most fabulous human being on the planet. You know? We haven't pissed each other off yet. So as much as I would love to just float and let myself believe that these feelings will last forever, I am too cynical now (or too pragmatic) to just live completely in the moment. I have a child to think of, after all, and I cannot allow my hormones to override my common sense.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Family updates
My sister called me this afternoon, and after only a couple of months in Portland, they're ready to buy a house! Their offer was accepted and they're hoping for a really short (30 day) escrow. She sent me a link to the real estate listing, and WOW! It is HUGE! It's over 2000 SF, in the area they love, with the school district they wanted, and it's only costing them a little more than my 1400 SF house cost me four years ago. *sigh* The bay area is so damned expensive, y'all. I'm really happy for them, though, and can't wait to visit. (Except I'll wait until the sun makes its annual brief appearance.)
Babydaddy and I talked a little more about putting Rugrat in school where he lives, and apparently he's very gung-ho about it, because he picked up a registration packet. (And brought it to me to fill out. Of course.) Turns out that the daycare is actually going to be cheaper than where we've got him now, but then again, he won't be in daycare when he's "off track" because there won't be any "tracks." He'll just be off for the summer (and likely here with me full-time).
I'm off to visit Dad tomorrow, hopefully smuggling some of the really awesome $200 scotch with me in my carry-on luggage. What? I'm bringing it in a container that is less than 3 oz., per airline regulations. We really need to have the fantastic scotch there, for the fabulous scotch tasting party. I plan to get my drink on with the papa-san. We'll probably sit up playing cribbage until the wee hours, and then bitch and moan Saturday about our raging hangovers.
I'm still not smoking. 19 days and counting!
And as for D....I am still smitten. Every day he says something or does something that just makes me melt. Today he told me that he saw a bunch of hot women in the grocery store and thought how lucky he was, because his girlfriend was hotter. Awwww. How can you not love that?
Babydaddy and I talked a little more about putting Rugrat in school where he lives, and apparently he's very gung-ho about it, because he picked up a registration packet. (And brought it to me to fill out. Of course.) Turns out that the daycare is actually going to be cheaper than where we've got him now, but then again, he won't be in daycare when he's "off track" because there won't be any "tracks." He'll just be off for the summer (and likely here with me full-time).
I'm off to visit Dad tomorrow, hopefully smuggling some of the really awesome $200 scotch with me in my carry-on luggage. What? I'm bringing it in a container that is less than 3 oz., per airline regulations. We really need to have the fantastic scotch there, for the fabulous scotch tasting party. I plan to get my drink on with the papa-san. We'll probably sit up playing cribbage until the wee hours, and then bitch and moan Saturday about our raging hangovers.
I'm still not smoking. 19 days and counting!
And as for D....I am still smitten. Every day he says something or does something that just makes me melt. Today he told me that he saw a bunch of hot women in the grocery store and thought how lucky he was, because his girlfriend was hotter. Awwww. How can you not love that?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Orange and maroon
My heart goes out to all the students of Virginia Tech, and their families and friends. What a horrific tragedy: thirty-three lives cut short. It's just unimaginable.
Today, I will make a point of telling the people I love just how much I care about them. Because the best way I can think of to fight against the darkness in this world is to counteract it with joy. Hug your family, your friends. Smile at strangers.
"What the world needs now is love, sweet love." Thank you, Carpenters.
Today, I will make a point of telling the people I love just how much I care about them. Because the best way I can think of to fight against the darkness in this world is to counteract it with joy. Hug your family, your friends. Smile at strangers.
"What the world needs now is love, sweet love." Thank you, Carpenters.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Flowers!
Oh. My. God.
D sent me these gorgeous tulips. My favorite!!
*swoon*
Could he be any more awesome?
D sent me these gorgeous tulips. My favorite!!
*swoon*
Could he be any more awesome?
Sunday, April 15, 2007
New blog
I've set up a new food blog, Table For Two, since my passion for cooking just keeps growing. I figured it's time to give back to the food community, as I've been so inspired by those fabulous Internet chefs that graciously take the time to photograph their latest culinary masterpieces and pass on the secrets to us.
I've got to get better at taking digital photos though; the last one came out really blurry. :-P
I've got to get better at taking digital photos though; the last one came out really blurry. :-P
Open-Faced Burgers with Gorgonzola and Sauteed Mushrooms
I made this fantastically yummy dinner tonight because I had a craving for something beefy and fattening, but I wanted to use up some of the veggies and the French bread I had on hand.
Open-Faced Burgers with Gorgonzola and Sauteed Mushrooms
2 slices pepper bacon (or regular bacon, but make sure it's GOOD bacon)
1/2 lb ground beef
2 Tbsp diced red onion (or whatever, to taste)
1 garlic clove, minced
1 Tbsp steak sauce
2 Tbsp olive oil
4 sliced mushrooms
2 Tbsp crumbled Gorgonzola
1 1" thick slice French bread, cut in half
1 cup loosely packed baby spinach
Salt & pepper to taste
Mustard Vinaigrette
Preheat oven to 400° and put a saute pan over medium-high heat. Pop the bacon in the pan and let it crisp up slowly. While the bacon cooks, gently mix together the ground beef, onions, garlic, steak sauce and salt & pepper to taste. Form into two 1/4 pound patties.
When oven is preheated, put the french bread in on a cookie sheet. Let it toast for about 10 minutes, turning once.
When the bacon is just this side of burning, remove it and drain off most of the bacon fat. Add the olive oil to the hot skillet and slide in the burgers. Cook about 3 minutes on each side, until just done in the middle. Put a half-slice of toasted french bread on each plate, then top with the burgers. Immediately put Gorgonzola on top of burgers. Saute the mushrooms in the pan for a few minutes, until softened and golden brown, then put the mushrooms on top of the burgers and cheese.
Add some spinach to the plates. Top the burgers and spinach with crumbled pepper bacon, then drizzle everything with the vinaigrette (see below). Sit down and enjoy with a nice tall beer!
Mustard Vinaigrette
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1 Tbsp red wine vinegar
1/4 cup olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste
Put mustard, vinegar, salt & pepper in the bowl. Add the olive oil in a slow steady stream, whisking the whole time, until oil is incorporated.
Open-Faced Burgers with Gorgonzola and Sauteed Mushrooms
2 slices pepper bacon (or regular bacon, but make sure it's GOOD bacon)
1/2 lb ground beef
2 Tbsp diced red onion (or whatever, to taste)
1 garlic clove, minced
1 Tbsp steak sauce
2 Tbsp olive oil
4 sliced mushrooms
2 Tbsp crumbled Gorgonzola
1 1" thick slice French bread, cut in half
1 cup loosely packed baby spinach
Salt & pepper to taste
Mustard Vinaigrette
Preheat oven to 400° and put a saute pan over medium-high heat. Pop the bacon in the pan and let it crisp up slowly. While the bacon cooks, gently mix together the ground beef, onions, garlic, steak sauce and salt & pepper to taste. Form into two 1/4 pound patties.
When oven is preheated, put the french bread in on a cookie sheet. Let it toast for about 10 minutes, turning once.
When the bacon is just this side of burning, remove it and drain off most of the bacon fat. Add the olive oil to the hot skillet and slide in the burgers. Cook about 3 minutes on each side, until just done in the middle. Put a half-slice of toasted french bread on each plate, then top with the burgers. Immediately put Gorgonzola on top of burgers. Saute the mushrooms in the pan for a few minutes, until softened and golden brown, then put the mushrooms on top of the burgers and cheese.
Add some spinach to the plates. Top the burgers and spinach with crumbled pepper bacon, then drizzle everything with the vinaigrette (see below). Sit down and enjoy with a nice tall beer!
Mustard Vinaigrette
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1 Tbsp red wine vinegar
1/4 cup olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste
Put mustard, vinegar, salt & pepper in the bowl. Add the olive oil in a slow steady stream, whisking the whole time, until oil is incorporated.
French Onion Soup
I got the recipe from Williams Sonoma's Paris cookbook (this is not the same as the recipe on their website). It's super-easy, but it takes about two hours to make. Luckily I always have lots of leftovers, so it's always worth it. :)
Croque Monsieur
Croque monsieur: French for super-freaking-awesome ham and cheese sandwich!
Croque Monsieur
4 slices white sandwich bread
Dijon mustard (I used whole grain)
6 deli slices ham
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp flour
2 cup milk
1 c shredded Gruyere (or thereabouts)
Salt & pepper
Freshly grated nutmeg (or jarred, in a pinch)
Preheat broiler.
Toast the bread lightly, and cut off the crusts. Thinly spread mustard on the bread, then top two slices of bread with three slices of ham each. Place open-faced sandwiches on cookie sheet (you might want to line cookie sheet with foil or something for easier clean-up). Top the sandwiches with some of the grated cheese (about a quarter cup total), then the other slices of bread.
In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add the flour, mix well, and let the flour cook for a minute or two. Add the milk, stirring constantly, and cook until the sauce is thickened slightly (it should coat the back of the spoon). Season with salt & pepper and a sprinkling of nutmeg. Add about half a cup of the grated cheese, stirring until completely melted. Pour some sauce over the sandwiches and top with the very last quarter-cup of the grated cheese. Pop it under the broiler until bubbly and golden brown. Or, if you're impatient like me, just wait until the cheese is melted, then pull it out and scarf.
Note: You may have too much cheese sauce. I always do. Just dip another piece of bread in the sauce and snack on it while you wait for the sandwiches to finish in the oven. ;-)
Croque Monsieur
4 slices white sandwich bread
Dijon mustard (I used whole grain)
6 deli slices ham
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp flour
2 cup milk
1 c shredded Gruyere (or thereabouts)
Salt & pepper
Freshly grated nutmeg (or jarred, in a pinch)
Preheat broiler.
Toast the bread lightly, and cut off the crusts. Thinly spread mustard on the bread, then top two slices of bread with three slices of ham each. Place open-faced sandwiches on cookie sheet (you might want to line cookie sheet with foil or something for easier clean-up). Top the sandwiches with some of the grated cheese (about a quarter cup total), then the other slices of bread.
In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add the flour, mix well, and let the flour cook for a minute or two. Add the milk, stirring constantly, and cook until the sauce is thickened slightly (it should coat the back of the spoon). Season with salt & pepper and a sprinkling of nutmeg. Add about half a cup of the grated cheese, stirring until completely melted. Pour some sauce over the sandwiches and top with the very last quarter-cup of the grated cheese. Pop it under the broiler until bubbly and golden brown. Or, if you're impatient like me, just wait until the cheese is melted, then pull it out and scarf.
Note: You may have too much cheese sauce. I always do. Just dip another piece of bread in the sauce and snack on it while you wait for the sandwiches to finish in the oven. ;-)
Friday, April 13, 2007
CPSIL, defined
Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
(4) requires excessive admiration
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
(4) requires excessive admiration
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Major changes?
Babydaddy and I had a discussion last night, and we're considering putting Rugrat in school in WC, where Babydaddy lives, for the next school year. It would be a really big change for us; Rugrat would live with Babydaddy most of the time and I'd go out to pick him up a couple of times per week and every other weekend (essentially the same schedule we have now, but reversed). We'd have to look into karate classes out in WC instead of here, and we'd have to get him set up in daycare and GATE out there too.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I'd kind of like to get Rugrat out of here because the situation in my town is getting more violent and volatile by the week, it seems. There's gangs of teenagers roaming the streets, starting riots and shooting each other. I definitely don't want Rugrat going to school out here when he gets to Jr High. But he's only going into third grade, and it seems like we've got some time before we really need to get him out of here. Additionally, we were considering taking him OUT of daycare next year, and just letting him come straight home after school. It would save us $200+ a month, each, which would be a nice chunk of change to have back in our pockets. That wouldn't be possible if Rugrat was going to school near Babydaddy, because Babydaddy doesn't work from home.
Also, I just don't know how I'd feel about him living apart from me so much. I was kind of resistant to changing our schedule when Babydaddy first moved to WC, but I actually like it now (especially since I get that all-important night off during the week to spend with D). And I think I'd really miss Rugrat a lot if he was spending most nights with Babydaddy. I'd miss our silly songs in the morning while we're getting ready. I'd miss the hugs and spontaneous "I love you Mommy" moments. I'd miss putting him to bed every night with Monster Spray and our four-language "I love you" routine. I know Babydaddy is a wonderful father and would be totally great with him, but I'd miss him soooooo much.
And the hell of it is, I'd love to sell my house and move out there to WC. But I can't, because nobody is buying houses in my town right now. (See above re: crime wave) If I put the house on the market, it might stay on the market for a year, even if I priced it under comps. And if I was able to finally sell it and move out to WC? I'd probably have to buy a condo rather than an actual house because I'd never be able to afford a real house out there. Especially not with the reduced price of THIS house, and how much I'd likely get out of the sale. It's very frustrating. So I'm kind of leaning towards having him stay in school here for another year or two, at which time the market will hopefully have picked up a bit, and I can sell and move out to WC and we'll be able to work things out a little more equitably with regards to custody sharing and so on.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I'd kind of like to get Rugrat out of here because the situation in my town is getting more violent and volatile by the week, it seems. There's gangs of teenagers roaming the streets, starting riots and shooting each other. I definitely don't want Rugrat going to school out here when he gets to Jr High. But he's only going into third grade, and it seems like we've got some time before we really need to get him out of here. Additionally, we were considering taking him OUT of daycare next year, and just letting him come straight home after school. It would save us $200+ a month, each, which would be a nice chunk of change to have back in our pockets. That wouldn't be possible if Rugrat was going to school near Babydaddy, because Babydaddy doesn't work from home.
Also, I just don't know how I'd feel about him living apart from me so much. I was kind of resistant to changing our schedule when Babydaddy first moved to WC, but I actually like it now (especially since I get that all-important night off during the week to spend with D). And I think I'd really miss Rugrat a lot if he was spending most nights with Babydaddy. I'd miss our silly songs in the morning while we're getting ready. I'd miss the hugs and spontaneous "I love you Mommy" moments. I'd miss putting him to bed every night with Monster Spray and our four-language "I love you" routine. I know Babydaddy is a wonderful father and would be totally great with him, but I'd miss him soooooo much.
And the hell of it is, I'd love to sell my house and move out there to WC. But I can't, because nobody is buying houses in my town right now. (See above re: crime wave) If I put the house on the market, it might stay on the market for a year, even if I priced it under comps. And if I was able to finally sell it and move out to WC? I'd probably have to buy a condo rather than an actual house because I'd never be able to afford a real house out there. Especially not with the reduced price of THIS house, and how much I'd likely get out of the sale. It's very frustrating. So I'm kind of leaning towards having him stay in school here for another year or two, at which time the market will hopefully have picked up a bit, and I can sell and move out to WC and we'll be able to work things out a little more equitably with regards to custody sharing and so on.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Dysfunctional
I'm wondering: just how strange is it that I go on vacations with Rugrat and Babydaddy? I mean, I know it is extremely unusual for exes to do that, but is it completely incomprehensible? D and I had a post-coital conversation the other night that started out with the ever-so-popular theme, "Who was your first?" So of course I mentioned that I found my "first" on myspace a couple of years ago, and I told D about going to meet him for a drink in LA when I was down at Disneyland with Rugrat & Babydaddy. D kind of does a double-take: "Wait...you were at Disneyland with Babydaddy and you had a DATE with GG?" And I explained that we just went on a family vacation, but it's not like we were TOGETHER on the vacation, we were just sharing hotel costs & such.
And of course that just opened up a whole new can of worms. "You were sharing a hotel room? Did you share a BED?" OMG, no. But...we have. Like, on Christmas Eve when he stays the night so he can be here first thing on Christmas morning. And I suddenly realized how incredibly WRONG that sounds. Like, just massively dysfunctional. But seriously, I feel nothing for Babydaddy now, except friendship and fondness. There's no lust there at all. He's a hot guy, don't get me wrong. But too much water has gone under the bridge for me to ever want him back in my life in a romantic (or even just a sexual) way.
And obviously I would not do anything like that if I was in a relationship. I wouldn't want to make my partner uncomfortable by having my (admittedly hot) ex stay the night, whether it was in my bed (platonically!) or on the couch or in the guest room. So...does that make it less dysfunctional? If I wouldn't have a sleepover with the ex while I'm in a relationship with someone else? Or is the relationship thing irrelevant, and it's dysfunctional no matter what my romantic status is?
And of course that just opened up a whole new can of worms. "You were sharing a hotel room? Did you share a BED?" OMG, no. But...we have. Like, on Christmas Eve when he stays the night so he can be here first thing on Christmas morning. And I suddenly realized how incredibly WRONG that sounds. Like, just massively dysfunctional. But seriously, I feel nothing for Babydaddy now, except friendship and fondness. There's no lust there at all. He's a hot guy, don't get me wrong. But too much water has gone under the bridge for me to ever want him back in my life in a romantic (or even just a sexual) way.
And obviously I would not do anything like that if I was in a relationship. I wouldn't want to make my partner uncomfortable by having my (admittedly hot) ex stay the night, whether it was in my bed (platonically!) or on the couch or in the guest room. So...does that make it less dysfunctional? If I wouldn't have a sleepover with the ex while I'm in a relationship with someone else? Or is the relationship thing irrelevant, and it's dysfunctional no matter what my romantic status is?
Romance is NOT dead!
This is one of those totally off-the-wall things you get on craigslist sometimes.
Romantic Gift
Thanks to Dooce for bringing this to my attention and brightening my day.
Romantic Gift
Thanks to Dooce for bringing this to my attention and brightening my day.
Crash
I think I really need to get back on the patch. I was so exhausted yesterday that I fell asleep on the couch at about 8:15 while the Rugrat was watching cartoons. When I dragged my ass off the couch and bundled the Rugrat off to bed, I went to bed too. And I slept until the Goddamn Roosters™ woke me up at 6:30 as usual. But the thing is, I don't feel rested. I still feel exhausted. And I'm pretty sure it's because my body is no longer getting its regular dose of stimulant, in the form of nicotine. I'm craving more, too.
In all of this drama though, D has been amazing. He's just a bright spot in my life, and I feel very blessed to have him. He calls me at least twice a day now...sometimes three times. I look forward to hearing his voice; it's almost as necessary to my daily life as breathing. How did he become so important to me in less than two months? It's pretty scary, actually. I've been so independent for so long, that having this in my life again is a shock to the system. He makes me feel cherished, and dammit, I don't want to depend on feeling this way. Shit happens, yanno? And I don't want to get so wrapped up in this feeling that I forget how to be happy on my own. Because when it ends, as it inevitably will, I don't want to fall into a massive depression. This is just SO good....and I know it can't last. Even if we spend the rest of our lives together, it won't be like this forever. He'll disappoint me, I'll disappoint him; we're human. And when the crash comes, it's going to be a big one.
In all of this drama though, D has been amazing. He's just a bright spot in my life, and I feel very blessed to have him. He calls me at least twice a day now...sometimes three times. I look forward to hearing his voice; it's almost as necessary to my daily life as breathing. How did he become so important to me in less than two months? It's pretty scary, actually. I've been so independent for so long, that having this in my life again is a shock to the system. He makes me feel cherished, and dammit, I don't want to depend on feeling this way. Shit happens, yanno? And I don't want to get so wrapped up in this feeling that I forget how to be happy on my own. Because when it ends, as it inevitably will, I don't want to fall into a massive depression. This is just SO good....and I know it can't last. Even if we spend the rest of our lives together, it won't be like this forever. He'll disappoint me, I'll disappoint him; we're human. And when the crash comes, it's going to be a big one.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Stunned
This is downright frightening. I think the fact that this book was popular enough to require multiple printings says an awful lot about our society 50 years ago (and none of it good):
On Becoming a Woman
I mean, seriously. Female circumcision touted as a cure for masturbation??? Fucking fucktard. Obviously the author had no confidence in his sexual prowess, if he had to run around telling girls that they only want to make out to "please their boyfriends" and that masturbation makes you stupid and lazy.
On Becoming a Woman
I mean, seriously. Female circumcision touted as a cure for masturbation??? Fucking fucktard. Obviously the author had no confidence in his sexual prowess, if he had to run around telling girls that they only want to make out to "please their boyfriends" and that masturbation makes you stupid and lazy.
So in love
I am completely smitten. D came over yesterday evening after dropping off his daughter at her mom's, and he spent the night again. I am practically overdosing on love here - I just want to be with him all the time. Of course it's totally impractical, but it feels so good to have him around. Last night we vegged out on the couch, watched a little TV and worked on our knitting (did I tell you he asked me to teach him to knit? He's working on his first project: a scarf). My sweater is coming right along now; the front is nearly finished and once that's done all that's left is to knit the sleeves, sew it up, and finish off the neckline.
You know, I haven't been a snuggler since the early days of my relationship with Babydaddy. But for some reason, with D I just want to be rightupclose to him, even when I'm sleeping. And of course I want to make love with him all the time. We can't seem to spend the night together without having sex at least twice. I cannot believe that this kind of intensity will last, of course, but it feels damn good right now. It's the early part of the relationship: the other person hasn't disappointed you yet, and you're still getting to know all their little quirks and such.
As for the rest of the weekend, I went over to K's house on Saturday for a BBQ. C came over as well, and between the three of us, we polished off four bottles of wine. Dear GOD, that was a lot of effing wine. For some reason we went to Meenar's and I'm pretty sure someone slipped something in K's drink, because all of the sudden she was completely unable to stand on her own. C and T (C's cousin, who joined us later in the evening) and I all got her home safe & sound and held her hair back while she threw up. *sigh* I spent the night at K's, and on Sunday we attempted to go shopping in WC, but apparently just because some "dead" guy crawled out of a cave 2000 years ago means everyone has to stop their normal routine and go eat deviled eggs and ham all day. In other words, the shops were closed. I was pissed, and totally went off on a rant about "fucking Jesus" and his "fucking resurrection" and "goddamn showoff"...blah, blah, blah. What can I say? I really wanted to buy a new bra yesterday. Thank goodness downtown WC was like a ghost town, because I was in rare form. I am SO going to hell.
Even Target was closed, which I discovered when I tried to go get some more nicotine patches. Surprisingly enough, even with the HUGE amount of wine I drank Saturday night, I still managed to stay on the wagon and didn't have so much as a puff off a cigarette. So, yay for me! Nearly 8 days off the cigarettes now (and the last 24 hours without any nicotine at all).
You know, I haven't been a snuggler since the early days of my relationship with Babydaddy. But for some reason, with D I just want to be rightupclose to him, even when I'm sleeping. And of course I want to make love with him all the time. We can't seem to spend the night together without having sex at least twice. I cannot believe that this kind of intensity will last, of course, but it feels damn good right now. It's the early part of the relationship: the other person hasn't disappointed you yet, and you're still getting to know all their little quirks and such.
As for the rest of the weekend, I went over to K's house on Saturday for a BBQ. C came over as well, and between the three of us, we polished off four bottles of wine. Dear GOD, that was a lot of effing wine. For some reason we went to Meenar's and I'm pretty sure someone slipped something in K's drink, because all of the sudden she was completely unable to stand on her own. C and T (C's cousin, who joined us later in the evening) and I all got her home safe & sound and held her hair back while she threw up. *sigh* I spent the night at K's, and on Sunday we attempted to go shopping in WC, but apparently just because some "dead" guy crawled out of a cave 2000 years ago means everyone has to stop their normal routine and go eat deviled eggs and ham all day. In other words, the shops were closed. I was pissed, and totally went off on a rant about "fucking Jesus" and his "fucking resurrection" and "goddamn showoff"...blah, blah, blah. What can I say? I really wanted to buy a new bra yesterday. Thank goodness downtown WC was like a ghost town, because I was in rare form. I am SO going to hell.
Even Target was closed, which I discovered when I tried to go get some more nicotine patches. Surprisingly enough, even with the HUGE amount of wine I drank Saturday night, I still managed to stay on the wagon and didn't have so much as a puff off a cigarette. So, yay for me! Nearly 8 days off the cigarettes now (and the last 24 hours without any nicotine at all).
Thursday, April 05, 2007
96 hours and counting
Four days have passed since my last cigarette, and...I don't really miss it. I guess I really was ready to quit this time. My mood swings have calmed down a bit, and I seem to be entering the "stuff your face" portion of the program. Heh.
Period started this morning. Yay, for not being pregnant. Boo, for being on my period.
Period started this morning. Yay, for not being pregnant. Boo, for being on my period.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Stuffed Chicken Breasts with Goat Cheese
Last night D came over and I made a FANTASTIC dinner: chicken breasts (bone in, skin on) with a goat cheese/herb mixture under the skin (garlic, rosemary, lemon zest, parsley, a little olive oil), olive oil and salt & pepper on top. Roasted asparagus, with olive oil, salt & pepper. Couscous with green onion and currants. We demolished it all.
Stuffed Chicken Breasts with Goat Cheese
2 chicken breasts (with skin & bones)
2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1 Tbsp fresh rosemary
1 Tbsp lemon zest
1 handful parsley
2 oz. fresh goat cheese (half a small log)
Olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 400°.
In food processor, chop garlic, rosemary, lemon zest and parsley. Add in the goat cheese and a little salt & pepper, then spin again. With the processor running, add just a little olive oil, enough to make it more "spreadable." Loosen the skin on the chicken breasts and put half the goat cheese mixture under the skin of each breast. Smooth the skin and then coat with olive oil, salt & pepper. Place chicken breasts in a roasting pan on a flat rack, and roast for about 35-45 minutes, or until a meat thermometer measures 160 at the thickest part (without touching bone). Let the meat rest for 5 minutes or so under foil, and then dig in.
Stuffed Chicken Breasts with Goat Cheese
2 chicken breasts (with skin & bones)
2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1 Tbsp fresh rosemary
1 Tbsp lemon zest
1 handful parsley
2 oz. fresh goat cheese (half a small log)
Olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 400°.
In food processor, chop garlic, rosemary, lemon zest and parsley. Add in the goat cheese and a little salt & pepper, then spin again. With the processor running, add just a little olive oil, enough to make it more "spreadable." Loosen the skin on the chicken breasts and put half the goat cheese mixture under the skin of each breast. Smooth the skin and then coat with olive oil, salt & pepper. Place chicken breasts in a roasting pan on a flat rack, and roast for about 35-45 minutes, or until a meat thermometer measures 160 at the thickest part (without touching bone). Let the meat rest for 5 minutes or so under foil, and then dig in.
Day 4
Feeling much better today. Last night D came over and I made a FANTASTIC dinner: chicken breasts (bone in, skin on) with a goat cheese/herb mixture under the skin (garlic, rosemary, lemon zest, parsley, a little olive oil), olive oil and salt & pepper on top. Roasted asparagus, with olive oil, salt & pepper. Couscous with green onion and currants. We demolished it all.
Then we watched American Idol (I know! He HATES Idol!) and went to bed.......mmm....got to sleep pretty late though. ;-)
Today I woke up feeling much better (probably due to all the orgasms, LOL) and worked for a while this morning while he watched TV. Had a nooner (on the couch and then the stairs!!), then some lunch (and he watched AMC with me!), and he just left a little while ago. God, it is SO hot between us. I want him all the time, y'all.
He said he's falling for me.
Then we watched American Idol (I know! He HATES Idol!) and went to bed.......mmm....got to sleep pretty late though. ;-)
Today I woke up feeling much better (probably due to all the orgasms, LOL) and worked for a while this morning while he watched TV. Had a nooner (on the couch and then the stairs!!), then some lunch (and he watched AMC with me!), and he just left a little while ago. God, it is SO hot between us. I want him all the time, y'all.
He said he's falling for me.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
I have lost my everlovin' mind
The roosters woke me up at 6:30 this morning and I put on my robe and slippers and stomped next door and banged on their door for about ten minutes. Even though there are two trucks in front of their house, nobody answered the door. I don't know if they just don't answer their door, or if there really was nobody home. So I came back and called Animal Control, but the phone line doesn't even open until 8 AM. So I called the police non-emergency line. And I completely lost it. Started sobbing and freaking the fuck out and the dispatcher said they could send out a policeman to talk to the people but that the police couldn't cite them or anything because it's under the jurisdiction of Animal Control. Then she hung up. And I thought they were going to actually SEND A POLICEMAN OUT, so I called back so they'd know where to go, and the supervisor answered. She said, no, they WOULDN'T send anyone out, because there's really nothing they can do, and of course I lost it again. She just kept telling me to call Animal Control when the phone lines opened at 8 AM.
So then I called my dad, and begged him to come out and bring his rifle and shoot the goddamn roosters. And I started sobbing again, and told him that I quit smoking, and he's all "Ooooohhhhh, so THAT's what this is all about." And he talked me down from the ledge a little bit.
I finally made Rugrat's lunch and took him to school and then I started putting away clean laundry and changing the sheets on my bed. D called while I was in the middle of this, and thank God for him. He always knows how to make me laugh. I warned him that I am completely insane today, and told him what happened this morning and he laughed and joked me out of my funk.
So then I came back downstairs and called Animal Control again, since it was after 8. Joy! They sent out a letter yesterday to the neighbors, and they should get it today or tomorrow. Thank GOD.
So, I took a shot & a half of codeine cough syrup, and started watching Prison Break online. The helpful folks at DeltaPOST reminded me that it's available free, uncut & without commercials, online. Duh. I knew that. So my little temper tantrum last night was all for nothing.
So then I called my dad, and begged him to come out and bring his rifle and shoot the goddamn roosters. And I started sobbing again, and told him that I quit smoking, and he's all "Ooooohhhhh, so THAT's what this is all about." And he talked me down from the ledge a little bit.
I finally made Rugrat's lunch and took him to school and then I started putting away clean laundry and changing the sheets on my bed. D called while I was in the middle of this, and thank God for him. He always knows how to make me laugh. I warned him that I am completely insane today, and told him what happened this morning and he laughed and joked me out of my funk.
So then I came back downstairs and called Animal Control again, since it was after 8. Joy! They sent out a letter yesterday to the neighbors, and they should get it today or tomorrow. Thank GOD.
So, I took a shot & a half of codeine cough syrup, and started watching Prison Break online. The helpful folks at DeltaPOST reminded me that it's available free, uncut & without commercials, online. Duh. I knew that. So my little temper tantrum last night was all for nothing.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Oh OF COURSE!!
Of course today of all days my TiVo decides to crap out on me. OF COURSE it does. Not like I'm not already on edge. Not like it isn't the fucking season finale of Prison Break!
Losing my shit
These goddamn roosters are going to drive me to drink!
Rugrat is not helping. I asked him over and over to be quiet, that Mommy just needed a little silence, and he kept pestering and harping at me. Then I told him to do his homework and he sat there at the goddamn table and farted around until I came and yelled at him, and he started whining and said he couldn't do his homework because he needed paper and a pencil and THERE WAS A FUCKING GODDAMN PENCIL AND A STACK OF PAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!!
I am totally fucking losing it. So much for the patch being helpful.
Rugrat is not helping. I asked him over and over to be quiet, that Mommy just needed a little silence, and he kept pestering and harping at me. Then I told him to do his homework and he sat there at the goddamn table and farted around until I came and yelled at him, and he started whining and said he couldn't do his homework because he needed paper and a pencil and THERE WAS A FUCKING GODDAMN PENCIL AND A STACK OF PAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!!
I am totally fucking losing it. So much for the patch being helpful.
Day 2
I quit smoking yesterday at 11 AM. I know, on April Fool's Day! How weird is that? So far, so good, but if I remember correctly, it was about day 2 or 3 that I started really feeling the cravings. Hopefully I won't get all sick with the flu this time. I'm using the patch, so it should alleviate the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. Not the cravings, of course, but the physical withdrawals. And tomorrow night D is coming over to spend the night while Rugrat goes to Babydaddy's house. So I'll have awesome sex to distract me. :)
I tell you what, though...that fucking rooster is driving me batshit. I think there's two of them. Since 9:28 this morning I've been logging on an excel spreadsheet every time they crowed...it's been 104 times. One hundred and four!! In just over two hours!! I called Animal Control again and they said it usually takes about 2-3 weeks for them to check things out. *sigh* There's 105.
I tell you what, though...that fucking rooster is driving me batshit. I think there's two of them. Since 9:28 this morning I've been logging on an excel spreadsheet every time they crowed...it's been 104 times. One hundred and four!! In just over two hours!! I called Animal Control again and they said it usually takes about 2-3 weeks for them to check things out. *sigh* There's 105.
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